Dirt

[Aic 48]

Getting this off my chest is like nothing I've felt in the past few months. I feel comforted, especially since that "looking up at the stars" thing doesn't help me anymore. However, I still want to dig an angel-shaped hole in the ground, crawl in, and fire a few good bullets into my fucked up brain. I want to a commit a symbolic suicide. Anyway, yeah, I would just shoot myself, but I would like it better if this one other person did. There is this one girl, and I want her to shoot and kill me. Of course I would never tell her that, I love her too much. I want to keep all the crazy, fucked up things in my brain as far as possible from her. I am obsessed, but I don't show it. I want to be close to her.Sheknows that I've got a "crush" on her, but that's all that she sees. The other day, she openly stated she did not like me because I was ugly. I am paranoid, and I'm not sure how I became that way, I think possibly I was born with it. I'm ignored a lot and usually shit on afterwards. It seems I have a disease on me and people cannot stand me. If I so much as glance at a person they will look very annoyed. I am also chronically underweight. And don't fucking say I'm lucky. I'm paranoid of my weight, I can't fucking stand it. I'm very afraid of being sexually molested to, and I can get a little freaked out about it at times. I'm a guy, by the way. That's all...

 

[taranama]

wow..your post touched me.......
your symbolic death sounds beautiful...
about you being "chronically underweight"....there's nothing wrong with being skinny....try being fat.....its harder, no-one looks at you because if the fat girl like you then that means OMG the whole world crashed to an end. try not to care what others think of your appearance, it really is whats on the inside that counts and as soon as you meet someone who appreciates you for that, you'll realize that too. till then...all us uggo's can do is wait :wink:

love, some one who understands...but only through digital eyes..

 

[Aic 48]

wow..your post touched me.......
your symbolic death sounds beautiful...
about you being "chronically underweight"....there's nothing wrong with being skinny....try being fat.....its harder, no-one looks at you because if the fat girl like you then that means OMG the whole world crashed to an end. try not to care what others think of your appearance, it really is whats on the inside that counts and as soon as you meet someone who appreciates you for that, you'll realize that too. till then...all us uggo's can do is wait :wink:

love, some one who understands...but only through digital eyes..

You seem to pretty much get the picture. It's nice to know there ARE people out there who will understand and not simply nod you off as some "psychopath"...

 

[incombustible2000]

I understand that its probaly hard to feel manly when you are so skinny. I know its hard and this is your world, and obviously people having been making you feel awful. But girls will still love you even if you are under weight and all. You have to find the right girl and if she does not like you because of how you look then whats that say about her, do you really want someone who is like that, imagine if you where in a car accident and something happened to you, or if your leg was amputated, so on, she probaly would not love you any more and find someone better looking there, are people that love men that are not always absolutley perfect. I have a friend who was in a house fire, and his face is severly burned, and he is married to a beautiful women. She loves him for him. Thats great. Girls will fall in love with you for other reason, but you have to show them the other reason... right thats up to you. So if you have confidence people will see that, and they will say to themselfves whats up with this guy, there something about him... I want to get to know him. You have to learn to be out going, and lots of people have problems.... and I know its hard... But i think you can over come this, and find another girl that will treat you really well.... so please remember this.