I wasn't sure if this should go into the rape and abuse forum rather... but this wasn't rape... My 'ex'... he forced me into prostitution, I think it was 2 years ago (I've been in so much mess my timeline is messed up)... I was very low on cash, just like I am now... and he managed to persuade me into it. I didn't want to, but he kept pressing me into it. One of his strong arguments was that with the money I earned I could buy that ticket to see my favourite actor and idol in a play in London. The same actor who saved my life and helped me survive my chronic pains before I got on pain relief... I went to London in August, stayed for 3 nights in a cheap hotel... and I had a magical time at the theater watching my favourite actor on stage, from 2nd row... even getting his spit in my eye and I'm convinced he pointed a gun at me at a point! But I have to admit, sitting down waiting for the curtain to rise I was filled with a guilty and dirty feeling. I knew this actor would be horrified if he learned what I had to do just to sit there for 3 and half hour... I felt a need to use all the money I had left from 'that part of my life' and when I came home from London I had enough left to buy a DVD, yes, with the same actor... the DVD wouldn't be released before January 11th this year, but I pre-ordered it in August... It so happened that the DVD got lost in the mail and I'm getting the money back... I am of course going to re-order the DVD... but even the thought of that dirty cash making it back to my account makes me feel sick. I am trying to channel my anger towards that I really, really want that DVD too... just so people around me can understand why I'm so upset about something so minor to them.