everything is worse....less of food...more of exercise....more of...taking something that i know is medically bad for me.....surfing the ***-*** sites, have to see my physcian every month to check in...he canceled on me this month...mixed feelings....god what a sigh of relief it is not to have to talk to him....at the same time i know i need too....after some encouragement i talked to my therapist yesterday......told her about the less and more stuff....this is where i get stuck....she wants "Me" to tell the doc the next time i see him.....if i dont she will.....no promises made....so well no real ones anyway....but she will ask if i have told him...I cant lie....i hate myself more if i try to lie...but I dont want to tell the doc..I dont want him to know........and i just want to disappear