I'm starting to go down hill. I tried going out the other night to have fun, a night with the girls. ... It started out great. But at the end of the night, all I wanted to do was cry and curl up and disappear. What's not helping is that I'm sick..and I hate myself for it. I'm pretty sure that since I'm sick I got everyone around me sick as well. I've been trying to avoid going to the hospital but I think I'm going to have to go. I feel like crap all the time. I'm trying to figure out what I need to do with my life, and I'm just so confused. Everything is so confusing. I seem to be on an emotional rollercoaster that seems to just keep going down. I keep pretending that everything is okay, but it's not. I'm hurting in more than one way, I want it to just disappear... I want to disappear.