Today I call my friends up and ask them to hang out. Out of the five friends I called, all five apologized and said they have plans reserved. Yet, I have asked them the same questions days ago. They said they were busy at the time, and will reserve the weekend for me, promising they would be free then, and if not, they will give me a call. I received no calls. I had gone out of my way to contact them several times,and they wouldn't even bother to call me. As of this hour, I am alone in the house, left with nothing to do. I don't blame them, many of them known me for at least 5 years. I am just jealous of them. How can they have so much to do? why can't I enjoy going out with family like them, or simply staying home resting? Why is that I am always the ones organizing and asking them to go out, and not one time would they do the same for me? Everyone makes their lives seem so busy. They have fun, and show them off on social networking sites. I go to work, volunteer, and do go out with friends and families all the time. Yet why do I feel so empty still? Everyone I meet are so superficial; they have to be strong in front of others, they have to look like they have a life, they have to wear masks and hide their feelings. Please don't tell me to go out and socialize. I have done that for years. Quality friends are just so hard to find. Times after times i serve as people's cheer leader, event organizer, fun provider, a pillow to cry on...etc, but no one would do the same for me, not if I don't beg. I am not lonely, because I have loneliness accompanying me, but he is such a mean friend.