Disappointed In A Part Of This Site

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Greta Dale, May 2, 2016.

  1. Greta Dale

    Greta Dale Member

    I started to get excited when I saw 'Suicide, 10 methods to die'. I know I don't read things properly because I'm so distracted with pain but I really did have some hope there until I read it. I thought it would give hope to people like me with proper decent advice on how to end your life. There are people like me who are desperate to go, I mean DESPERATE to die. Seeing that written on this site gave me the biggest buzz in years that I might get decent advice. But it turned out to be a cruel lie. It was not a method in how to end your suffering. It was some kind of information on what makes people want to die. Well anyone coming on this site knows only too well what makes people want to die. People like me don't want to be persuaded to live we just want help in ending it as it's so painful to live this life. In my case it's mainly physical pain and feeling trapped that makes me want to die. I am alone, without help and disabled in my flat and ignored mainly by the state. They give me meds for my physical condition which has no effect and I have not got out of my flat in over a decade. I would have done a lot better if I had committed some awful crime and been doing time in a prison cos they let you have an hour of sun there a day I've been lead to believe. I used to be a sun worshiper and it worked as an anti-depressant for me when I was out on my bike all the time. The nearest I get to the sun is seeing it on the net. I'm very bitter about my situation and just want to not be here. I have no friends, no nothing except a very aware brain that makes every second of this living hell feel like a million years. The awful thing is I think I've got a reasonably funny personality and can have a laugh but anyone who had to endure my life for the past 11 years would be crying all the time as it's been horrific due to me not getting proper medical attention and also being abused for years by a boyfriend I was relying on for help. Just saying, don't give people hope when there is none... it's downright mentally cruel, really cruel cos I thought any advice on this site would be proper medical advice on how to die in the best way possible with no pain, cos after all the only reason I want to get out is because I'm in intense pain.
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    When you signed up to this site you were asked to read our rules which clearly state we are a pro life support site. I am sorry that you found the article unhelpful, but you chose to join the site knowing that it was a site dedicated to supporting people to live. I am sincerely sorry that you are in so much pain but I am not going to say I am sorry that people who go looking on the internet for ways to kill themselves find us instead - or that instead of reading toxic ways to kill themselves they find support and caring people who want to help them (and be helped) in an environment dedicated to helping people move forward from that place.

    Almost everyone here has searched for ways to die - almost everyone here has wished desperately not to wake up in the morning. It is painful and awful and I am very sorry that it is where you are right now. I am sorry for the pain you are in and that you believe you don't want to be persuaded to live. But you have been here over a week now - the forum itself (and the site rules) were available to you to read before you became a member - you knew what we were and you joined anyway. So I don't believe the only thing you wanted from this site was medical advice on how to die. You knew that wasn't going to be what you got when you joined.

    We give hope because there is always hope. Even (and especially) when you think there is not. I understand all too well how it can seem like there simply isn't anything to live for - that is what we do here. We find the thing to live for, for each other, when things are so black in our lives that it is impossible to see it for ourselves.
  3. bobbob

    bobbob Well-Known Member

    Hi Greta
    Sorry that u are having such a hard time and have been for so long. All I can really say is that life has become a nightmare for me in the last two months as the result of a physical illness (very severe tinnitus with constant loud noises in my head) and I mostly hope not to wake up in the morning. Like u, I came across this site looking for "methods". But I have found that it has given me a lot of support and some hope. If u think it would help, please come and caht in the chat box sometime or pm me or someone else. I think a lot of us understand despair and can provide useful mutual support.
    On reflection, I am glad that I accidently ended up on a pro-life site and I think it is a very good one. All folk on here are really supportive I find.
    Anyhow please look after yourself and please come chat if u think will help.
    Brian777 and JmpMster like this.
  4. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I ended up at this site searching methods as well. But lets be real- anybody over 10 years old that wants to die can list of 10 methods to die so is crap- the only reason people are researching is they are looking for ways to not feel like shit and yes, that even includes if they were to commit suicide. The real point however it is not about ways to die- it is searching for ways to not feel pain and feel like crap all the time so that you want to die and you are so tired of feeling pain and like crap that even in considering suicide you are trying to avoid adding even more pain to that already too much to bear load. The fact you say you felt a little buzz and excitement about reading that title does say that is still capable for you to feel good about things - so take that as a win and understand yes- some things can make you feel better and keep looking for the ways to make the pain less/end and to solve the problems leading to the pain. First step is to realize that almost nothing gets better without some type of action on your part so finding the reserves and resolves to actually take action, and the second step is to follow through and do something every day to try to make the next day a little tiny bit easier/ better. The alternative is do nothing and each day things get worse. While some days things happen and things get worse no matter what we do, they cannot get better without some action.

    I have read your posts, you did not quit and give up in any way nor are you weak minded crazy or stupid. It has for sure been a struggle that I can empathise with as somebody with a painful chronic and ultimately terminal illness- so I do understand that struggle very well. I also have had many family issues to deal with over the years- not at all to diminish what you feel- simply to say you are not alone at all and I really do understand. When I got here I felt the same way you do now. But the real truth is things can change. They seldom improve without action on your part- counseling , meds, lifestyle changes, learning coping techniques , etc- and it is not easy to find the energy to do those things and some days you simply can't - but when people do begin to realize they actually do have choices and start making choices based on what can help make the next day and the next week better instead of what is easier/better for the next 30 minutes or couple hours then things do improve and life can become worthwhile again even with physical issues and all the other crap that is part of life. Spending as much time and energy looking for solutions as we spend looking for ways to end things, and as much of our time looking for ways to get things done instead of looking for the reasons that things will be hard is usually where things start to turn around. Is just that it is takes a lot of pain to finally decide "I really would rather do anything than feel like this any more" so decide to start doing the things we thought were too hard before.
    Petal and Brian777 like this.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Can't really add anything that hasn't already been said but I just want to say I am sorry you are feeling so low, most of us have been there and we can relate, if you ever want someone to talk to feel free to PM me. I will always reply :)
    Brian777 likes this.