I had the best opportunity to get out how I really feel. My CPN came to see me this afternoon. I wanted to tell him about my suicidal thoughts and how in depth and intense they were. I did tell him I had been suicidal and I had harmed myself but I didnt make it out to be as serious as it is. I had the perfect opportunity to do something about it and I fucked it up. I just couldnt get it out. The words wouldnt come out. I am so stuck now. I feel even worse. Ultra disappointed in myself. Think I will just kill myself and get it all done with. I cant do this anymore.