Disappointed with friends

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by DAYSandDOOM, Oct 24, 2013.

  1. DAYSandDOOM

    DAYSandDOOM New Member

    Ever since we graduated high school almost all of my friends have changed drastically. Now that they were studying, they suddenly knew it all and had opinions about anything and everything. In a cocky kind of way. It was so off putting I gradually stopped talking to most of them. There was just one person I thought really understood what I was talking about. He wasn't pretentious at all and we had much fun together. We started hanging out a lot up until this year. He decided he wanted to go studying too (he was working at the time) but was nervous and didn't feel like he was smart enough to make it. I supported him completely and was pretty excited for him, encouraged him to do the test. Finally he did and got in. In the back of my mind I was afraid that it might change things, but knowing him I told myself not to worry....

    So a few weeks ago he started classes at the same Uni. And you wouldn't believe how little time it took for him to turn into this.... obnoxious tard. Now it is all about starting up a career, making money, looking down on people who are supposedly beneath him and pity them for no reason at all except that they must be terribly unhappy with their "plain" jobs and "plain" lives. People he used to work with, be friends with, just 2 months ago. The fun conversations are gone. It's all serious, all business, now.
    I feel disappointed, sad and especially pissed off. It seems that literally anyone can (and eventually will) change for the worse, even the most humble and laid back person. We do still talk when we see each other at school, but it's not the same. I don't bother anymore either. Have been down this road before with other friends and you can't make them see what you see. I know it's his life and he may do as he pleases, but it has left me pessimistic about people I meet. It's easier to feel nothing, have no expectations. Depressing.
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    I guess this is one of those situations where you have to accept that people move on and that inevitably when people want different things, have different ambitions, and engage in different lifestyles then inevitably people grow apart. Your priority is not to study - that is your choice and a perfectly valid one. The choice of your friends to study, gain knowledge, focus on a career and a have their eye on a particular lifestyle is their choice - it does not make them pretentious to have interest and opinions and knowledge about things you are not interested in, in much the same way that not having those interests and opinions does not make you dumb or less than them.

    There is a post here somewhere - I forget where - about people who like heavy metal music and people who prefer classical music. One is not inherently better than the other - there is no 'blame' when the people who want to attend heavy metal concerts and talk about heavy metal music naturally drift away from the people who want to talk about the finer points of a violin concerto.

    It is very true that everyone changes - especially in their late teens and early twenties. I am sorry that you find it disappointing, and possibly lonely, but in my opinion this is not about not being able to make them see what you see - this is not a bad behaviour they need to change - it is a life choice, and with that a direction of growth, that is different from you own. That is all.
  3. DAYSandDOOM

    DAYSandDOOM New Member

    You're right. And I'm letting them go, be. I'm in school too and I sure take it seriously, but that hasn't changed the way I felt about certain things or how I acted towards anyone. It hurts to lose a friend, someone you've been so close with for the past few years. Someone you thought you knew turns into a person you never ever expected them to be. Someone you can't even get along with. Of course everything changes, you grow and learn. Everybody does, not just them. It's just that it's so drastic, a complete change of personality. And that's that, a friendship lost. As if it never was true. I don't think i'm better, or what I believe is better. And if they were like this all along I wouldn't think anything of it. But the fact that there was a time not long ago where we would've been able to share ideas, have fun, truly connect... and now it's gone in the blink of an eye. That's what saddens me. The feeling of friendship being disposable as if it has no meaning at all. I don't know how to expect less, how not to be disappointed by losing something so dear to me. I wish I could see it like you do, be OK with it. But i'm not.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 24, 2013