I'm working an extremely stressful gig this week. While I'm happy for the work -- I'll actually make a little more than I spend this month, the first such month in 2014 -- the work is tough. 15 days straight, no days off, minimum of 14 hours a day. Some days will be closer to 20. Today, I was sure I has having a heart attack. Chest pains, shortness of breath, sweating. One of the managers saw that I was in distress and suggested that I go to the ER. I convinced him that I was OK, that it was just that I'd wolfed down my lunch (which was true, I had a total of seven minutes for lunch). Another co-worker was less convinced, and was really worried about me. Finally, I told him: "If I go to the ER, I'm fired. If I'm fired, I'm dead. If I have a massive heart attack, I'm dead. If I have a minor one, I won't be able to work and the deductible on my insurance is $5,000. So I'm dead. The only way this works out for me is if I stay here and work." Turns out, I didn't have a heart attack. It probably really was just stress, lack of sleep, bad food and too much coffee. I was, and am, disappointed. I had to decided to end all this last week, then chickened out. A massive coronary would give me what I want -- the only thing I want -- without me having to actually do it myself. I can't even die of natural causes properly. Yet another failure on my part.