Disappointment

[Tearsalone]

Often times after a unsuccessful attempt, I feel sadness, anger, and frustration, all towards myself.

Sadness for not being successful and in a warped way letting everyone down by not doing it.

Anger for attempting it when people have told me to stop.

And frustration, because I feel I wasn't strong enough.

I remember when I was 16, my uncle was called after a unsuccessful attempt, and he said "how could you be soo selfish after what happened to those people in july" that really cuts me, even today when I think back.

I always feel if I could take their place, if I could take anyone's place, people who deserve to live more then me, then I'd take it in a instant.

I think everyones felt like that at somepoint.

 

[red_trail]

hey huni... first of all. im glad for 1 tht it didnt happen. I am sure its better you are here. no one deserves to live more than you becuase no one deserves to die. everyone on this earth has a right to live and U my friend are no different.

of course you are going to experience these feelings. i mean, anger, could you really do this and NOT experience anger. dont hate youreself for it becuase if we didnt experience feelings we would be nothing really.!

im sure when ure uncle called you selfish he was just upset. i dont think people mean to tell suicidal people they are selfish but they merely are upset that the person has thought about it.

please take care huni

PS: and yes i agree that i think everybody feels like tht at some point in their lives...

hugs xx

 

[Freakstorm]

Hey hun, I've also failed my umpteenth attempt. I don't think it was fair of your uncle to say that, I hope you won't be offended by me saying that. People can't imagine the pain we go through to find the only means is suicide. It's just beyond most people, and you're not selfish. You're right, if you could take their place you would, but you have just as much right to live as them. Maybe you haven't died for a reason, I know how hard it is hun and I'm here if you want to talk.

 

[thecleric]

Sadness for not being successful and in a warped way letting everyone down by not doing it.

Do you actually have people encouraging you to kill yourself? If not, you didn't let anyone down by surviving. Perhaps you're sad because you wanted to stick it to everyone? Depression is often caused by unexpressed anger.

attempt, and he said "how could you be soo selfish after what happened to those people in july"

Errum, what happened to which people in July?

And yes, there are more noble things to give your life to than your own sadness, disappointment, etc., so his comment was potentially not as far out of line as it seems. Of course, that won't make you feel any better, but perhaps it's the truth.

I always feel if I could take their place, if I could take anyone's place, people who deserve to live more then me, then I'd take it in a instant.

Exactly. Wishing to give your life in a more-noble cause than despair. So perhaps you do agree with your uncle, after all.

I think everyones felt like that at somepoint.

Everyone here sure has. Not everyone gets a chance to die heroically. In fact, very few do. So the far-more-difficult choice that remains for us is to live heroically. Let me know if you work that one out--I sure haven't.

 

[Tearsalone]

Errum, what happened to which people in July?

The 7th of July bombings in london in 2005.

Thank you everyone for your comments. :smile: