hey
i had a really awful day. i'm struggling in several of my classes. my math teacher came up to me during class and told me that he was surprised at my scoring on a recent test and how i'm usually so good. i shouldn't be doing so poorly in this class but here i am. i'm slowly falling further and further behind in my ap class because i can't focus when i need to. i'm barely maintaining my english grade and my foreign language grade is lower than it has ever been. the boy i like won't even look at me. my biology grade is absolute ***t and my mother is a biology professor. at dance practice, i was so exhausted. i couldn't keep a smile on my face like i needed to. i got home and my mother started snapping at me for no apparent reason. i literally just want to die. on top of that, i'm getting even fatter and i really want to start up my bad eating rituals again even though i've worked so hard just to eat basic meals each day. all of my progress is slowly crumbling and i'm falling. i'm always cold and i always feel like crying. i see people who have it worse than me but are still succeeding and i'm here, doing nothing. i'm worthless and nobody cares. i'm so utterly disgusted with my appearance and just myself in general. i should be better than this, but i'm not. i'm so scared. i want to die but i'm so scared. my family is Christian and suicide is considered to be sinful. i don't want to disappoint them even more, but i guess it's too late for that.
i had a really awful day. i'm struggling in several of my classes. my math teacher came up to me during class and told me that he was surprised at my scoring on a recent test and how i'm usually so good. i shouldn't be doing so poorly in this class but here i am. i'm slowly falling further and further behind in my ap class because i can't focus when i need to. i'm barely maintaining my english grade and my foreign language grade is lower than it has ever been. the boy i like won't even look at me. my biology grade is absolute ***t and my mother is a biology professor. at dance practice, i was so exhausted. i couldn't keep a smile on my face like i needed to. i got home and my mother started snapping at me for no apparent reason. i literally just want to die. on top of that, i'm getting even fatter and i really want to start up my bad eating rituals again even though i've worked so hard just to eat basic meals each day. all of my progress is slowly crumbling and i'm falling. i'm always cold and i always feel like crying. i see people who have it worse than me but are still succeeding and i'm here, doing nothing. i'm worthless and nobody cares. i'm so utterly disgusted with my appearance and just myself in general. i should be better than this, but i'm not. i'm so scared. i want to die but i'm so scared. my family is Christian and suicide is considered to be sinful. i don't want to disappoint them even more, but i guess it's too late for that.