disappointment

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eunoia

New Member
#1
hey

i had a really awful day. i'm struggling in several of my classes. my math teacher came up to me during class and told me that he was surprised at my scoring on a recent test and how i'm usually so good. i shouldn't be doing so poorly in this class but here i am. i'm slowly falling further and further behind in my ap class because i can't focus when i need to. i'm barely maintaining my english grade and my foreign language grade is lower than it has ever been. the boy i like won't even look at me. my biology grade is absolute ***t and my mother is a biology professor. at dance practice, i was so exhausted. i couldn't keep a smile on my face like i needed to. i got home and my mother started snapping at me for no apparent reason. i literally just want to die. on top of that, i'm getting even fatter and i really want to start up my bad eating rituals again even though i've worked so hard just to eat basic meals each day. all of my progress is slowly crumbling and i'm falling. i'm always cold and i always feel like crying. i see people who have it worse than me but are still succeeding and i'm here, doing nothing. i'm worthless and nobody cares. i'm so utterly disgusted with my appearance and just myself in general. i should be better than this, but i'm not. i'm so scared. i want to die but i'm so scared. my family is Christian and suicide is considered to be sinful. i don't want to disappoint them even more, but i guess it's too late for that.
 
#2
Welcome to SF! I’m glad you’ve found us, we are here to help and support you.
It sounds like you really are struggling at the moment...Don’t be so hard on yourself, when things get rough it’s hard to concentrate and do things, even things we used to do regularly. You are not worthless, just struggling and there is nothing wrong with that. Your problems are real, everyone here has their own story, their own struggles they fight daily and everyone fights in a different way, it’s okay to feel down.
About food and eating, when you don’t eat enough for your body, it can cause this feeling of exhaustion and it’s hard to concentrate, it can also affect your mode and everything in general. You wrote you are eating only basic meals? It might not be enough for you, especially if you are a dancer.
Please don’t give up on yourself and on life, it is worth living.Keep posting and telling us how you feel, It’s a tough time but we are all here for you, to help you get through this and to get to a better place*hug
 
#3
Sorry that you are going through this
i see people who have it worse than me but are still succeeding and i'm here, doing nothing
It's not fair to compare, because everybody is different
No you're not! You have inherent worth as a human being. You're also probably a much better person than you think you are. It sounds like a lot of unreasonable expectations have been put on you by other people, and that's part of why you feel bad about yourself.
I care :) I bet a lot of other people here care too

Sending hugs
 
#5
Have you told you parents about this? Or have you confided your feelings to your school counselor? Since it is affecting your grades, I would think the school counselor would pay attention to what your are saying.

Have you seen a doctor about how you are feeling? There could be a medical condition involved here.

Your post to us was very clear in the presentation of your feelings. You might use it as you clearly explain your situation and feelings to the adult you choose to speak to.

Please don't delay in this. You need support as you puzzle through this challenge.

Let us know how you are doing from time to time.
 

eunoia

New Member
#7
oh wow I didn’t except people to reply to me. I’m sort of hovering between good and bad in terms of my mental state. but it feels nice to have people read my post :) thank you
 

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#8
Hi to you - I'm sooo late to this but wanted to reply anyway. People are definitely here to read your post and reply. SF is a genuinely caring community of people who are into each new person who shows up here.
I really love that avatar. Did I already tell you that? Anyway...
See you around okay? Keep posting.
 
#9
oh wow I didn’t except people to reply to me. I’m sort of hovering between good and bad in terms of my mental state. but it feels nice to have people read my post :) thank you
Things don’t feel as hopeful when you say them out loud. Finding your voice allows us to share the load.
 
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