Disappointment...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Untouchable, Jan 19, 2011.

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  1. Untouchable

    Untouchable Well-Known Member

    I don't ask for too much in order to be happy. To be well. To at least be alright.

    I'm just so disappointed in life. ~My life.

    I'm tired of always trying to be perfect in order to fit in. Because others don't seem to accept the fact that I may be different.

    I'm tired of doing things for others and never, ever getting even the smallest thing in return.

    I'm tired of living alone and sinking into the lonelyness my life has to offer.

    I'm tired of calling my parents to see what they're up to, and hesaring about how theyre getting on with their lives, simply ignoring the fact that they have a daughter who's sick. Laughing it off.

    I'm tired of hearing about my cousin's triumphant life. Her awesome house. Her great friends. Her handsome husband to be.

    I'm tired of writing music that only I will ever be able to listen to.

    I'm tired of daydreaming that someday it'll all be better.

    I'm tired of trying to reach Eric to see if he's alright, if he's out of the hospital, if he's getting help for his heroine addiction, if he's even alive for God's sake, and no one can tell me.

    I'm tired of crying until early in the morning out of worrying so much about him.

    I'm tired of going to work with a fake smile and having to deal with shitty customers.

    I'm tired of going to university classes and watching other people in groups, laughing, commenting on things, when I'm just left in the back writing in my notebook.

    I'm tired of always trying to look beautiful enough. I wish we lived in a world where all that didn't matter so much and that there was someone who would love you for who you are, the real you, with all the imperfections you might have...

    I'm tired of being used by guys.

    I'm tired of not having any real and true friend who won't desert me once they find out that I'm depressed.

    I'm tired of thinking about the past and wanting to hurt myself about all the things I could do but didn't.

    I'm tired of living.
     
  2. I am not tired of reading your post.. In fact, i want to read more of your posts and i wanted you to be around to make more posts.. :hugtackles: Please don't get tired of living.. You still have us (all of us in this forum) who can be your friends and supporting you.. We can help you, listen to you, comfort you and keep you company.. You can always come to the chat-room and talk to anyone.. joke around.. anything.. This is a nice place to hang around..

    Take care and do write back..
     
  3. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Life can be to much sometimes, the list you just wrote, can you come back to it and see if there is anything you can do to check off some of the things that cause you so much stress.

    I can tell you for one that life rarely ends up like we hoped it would, but that doesnt mean you cant make a life for yourself that your satisfied with. I see you compare so much to what others are doing and feeling around you but you got to realize this is your life, those things may not make you happy like they are making them.

    Plus dont put alot into others happiness, we all put up our fronts and someones elses laughs may be untrue.

    I feel alot like you, feeling like its not fair to have to ask someone to care for you, to hang out with you, to call you. I know we all get so caught up with the everyday tasks in life that we can leave people behind, dont let them, put yourself in thier faces and say IM here and if they still choose to ignore you then its time to get some new friends.

    I hope tomorrow is better than today.
     
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