I don't ask for too much in order to be happy. To be well. To at least be alright. I'm just so disappointed in life. ~My life. I'm tired of always trying to be perfect in order to fit in. Because others don't seem to accept the fact that I may be different. I'm tired of doing things for others and never, ever getting even the smallest thing in return. I'm tired of living alone and sinking into the lonelyness my life has to offer. I'm tired of calling my parents to see what they're up to, and hesaring about how theyre getting on with their lives, simply ignoring the fact that they have a daughter who's sick. Laughing it off. I'm tired of hearing about my cousin's triumphant life. Her awesome house. Her great friends. Her handsome husband to be. I'm tired of writing music that only I will ever be able to listen to. I'm tired of daydreaming that someday it'll all be better. I'm tired of trying to reach Eric to see if he's alright, if he's out of the hospital, if he's getting help for his heroine addiction, if he's even alive for God's sake, and no one can tell me. I'm tired of crying until early in the morning out of worrying so much about him. I'm tired of going to work with a fake smile and having to deal with shitty customers. I'm tired of going to university classes and watching other people in groups, laughing, commenting on things, when I'm just left in the back writing in my notebook. I'm tired of always trying to look beautiful enough. I wish we lived in a world where all that didn't matter so much and that there was someone who would love you for who you are, the real you, with all the imperfections you might have... I'm tired of being used by guys. I'm tired of not having any real and true friend who won't desert me once they find out that I'm depressed. I'm tired of thinking about the past and wanting to hurt myself about all the things I could do but didn't. I'm tired of living.