I'm sorry for posting again. It feels like I do this every few months or so. I am not hopeful about my life. Even though I have two years of sobriety and currently have a full time job, I just feel hopeless. I stay at a recovery house and lately it has become difficult to live there. My roommate, who is also a graduate of the recovery houses' program like I am, currently has his girlfriend staying with us. Normally, this is against the rules, but he is also an employee of the recovery house so I guess that makes it alright. I haven't had the courage to ask why she is living with us, and she isn't too difficult to live with, but it's just uncomfortable. On top of that, it's just difficult dealing with the other house mates and their personalities especially when there is always a turn over. I want to move soon, but I am afraid to take that step. And even though I am working full time, it's a job that I don't really want to do for a long time. I started out as a temp worker there two years ago and just recently got hired on full time. This job has been something that has played a role in my recovery and I am grateful for the stability that it has provided. But it is not my dream job and it can be a bit stressful at times. One thing that I have struggled with long before I did with drinking is alcohol and in sobriety I continue to do so. I just have a hard time connecting with people and it has gotten to a point where I just hate trying to even communicate because it's just hard. One reason why is because I can't get over past failures and rejections when I have tried. I don't want to experience that type of pain again if I can help it. I have been finding myself getting away from the recovery house on the weekend and staying at my aunt's house where my mother also lives. When it was time to go back though, I decided to extend it another day which meant that I wasn't going in for work. I just feel so tired and don't want to deal with anything....sometimes that includes working on recovery, like going to meetings and stuff like that. Going down to my aunt's house is a double edged sword though because while I do get to have some privacy, it is hard to be around my family. My aunt is in her 90's and while she still gets around and all, it's certainly not like how she used to. My mother has Multiple Sclerosis and I while she manages it as best as she can it is hard not to worry. I have some stupid phobia with driving so she has to come pick me up when I want to go down there. She gets pains in her shoulder while she's driving and I just feel so helpless and frustrated to do anything. I've managed to get my permit and on a couple of occasions I was able to drive some of the way, but I still feel worthless and pathetic. From 2009 to 2014, my life was a stagnant hell. I'm not at that place at this time and I am glad. However, I still feel sad and hopeless about the future. This is not the type of sadness that I want to solve with psychiatric drugs. I do currently talk to a therapist, and he did suggest perhaps getting some kind of testing done. I told him that I would think about it. I suppose it was a better suggestion than him just throwing medication at me like some therapists and doctors are quick to do. I know I wrote a lot and I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense.