Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by MoAnamCara, Feb 6, 2011.

  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    So who decides who gets sick? Is it all predetermined? Is it out of our control?

    Why don’t people listen sometimes to what I actually say, it could have stopped or helped with this current situation. I have resentment but it is not fair for me to have this feeling.

    I am not the one who is going to die from this. I am only the one left behind, to pick up pieces, to figure out my life from that point onwards.

    How am I going to do that? How will I be able to wake up knowing im now alone? This one person who actually gets me will be gone.

    How can I watch this person die before me, where will I get this strength from? I won’t let people in, so why should I expect "them" to be there, when they don't exist anyhow. How will I do this?

    How can I keep my spirit outwardly upbeat when inside my soul is dying? How do you deal with the unknown? The uncertainties? How much time do we have left? How fast is it going to go downhill?

    Will I be strong enough to survive?

    Cancer sucks.
  2. Stormrider

    Stormrider Well-Known Member

    Maybe it's an good idea to talk to someone who has had that experience before, i can only try to imagine how hard it must be.
    Maybe you can find someone like that on these forum, or if you really don't see a way to deal with it then it might be a good idea to talk to a psychiatrist ?
    I think if you ask a doctor at the hospital where you go they could give some advice where to go for some help.

    Hope you have the courage and strength to deal with it. A lot of people will understand that it is a very hard thing to go through.
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Stormrider -

    thank you. i attend therapy. when the time comes hospice will be there.

    its that feeling of being all alone. and those overwhelming thoughts right now. it all seems too much. it feels like its too much.

    i am the strong one, always. but now i am cracking inside this hard exterior.
  4. Stormrider

    Stormrider Well-Known Member

    It's ok to break down, it's no fun at all but it's normal. We can hide or feelings in the face of others but we can't make them go away for ourself.You just got to find a way to pick yourself up again even if that takes some time.
    If it helps to write here about how feel then keep doing that when it gets difficult.
    It won't help much but you're getting my 1st :hug: on this forum, it must be very hard but just trying to deal with it is a great thing allready
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    thank you stormrider

    it helps, definitely.

    as does driving out with windows open (although cold this time of year!) with some decent music and letting the tears fall.

    some days, like everyone, are better than others. its just scary and a little lonely to deal with.

    take care.