Disgust and Sadness

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Butterfly, Apr 15, 2015.

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  1. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I was getting ready to go out with my fiancé and his friend earlier tonight to watch a show for my fiancés birthday. I sat at my dressing table and just stared at myself in the mirror. I hated what was looking back at me. I was so disgusted with what I saw. I just sat there and cried.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Iam sorry you see yourself in that way Butterfly
    We are the hardest on ourselves we are

    Your fiance see you in a different light hun He loves YOU hugs to you ok
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I certainly know how that feels hun, did you end up going out? It's true we are the hardest on ourselves.
     
  4. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Yes, I managed to go out but my fiancé said I was very quiet. I was so sad. I hope I didn't ruin his evening. I'm so disgusted with myself.
     
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I've seen pics, you have nothing to feel disgusted about.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Do not be disgusted hun, you are who you are and if ye have made it as far as being engaged he loves you for you. Have a chat with him, explain why you were quiet and i'm sure you will get a confidence boost in return.

    I cannot look into the mirror anymore, I do my face that's it, make up, that's it I won't look into a full length mirror 'cos I won't like what I will see. Slowly build your confidence up. I know so much easier said than done but really the only option. Put on some extra make up, curl your hair, wear nice clothes for your shape.

    That is the physical part of it, the emotional part is the hardest, best of luck :hug:
     
  7. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I'm not so much disgusted with myself in he physical sense. I don't think I'm ugly and I don't care that I carry some weight on my hips and thighs. I just looked at myself and thought "is this really what you've become?" I had all these thoughts running through my head and I was so angry with myself.
     
  8. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    I can relate with that self-hatred. :hug: You are an absolutely lovely, courageous person! I hope one day you will see what everyone else does.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 16, 2015
  9. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Lexi stop beating yourself up, says she who is probably the most critical on herself.
    I have days where I find myself unforgiveable, yet I forgive others their mistakes, failures and acts.
    I have no answers, just try to give the kindness you give to others, to yourself.
     
  10. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I'm supposed to be learning how to be more compassionate to myself in the type of therapy I am doing, however I seem to have fallen into this hole I can't get out of. The self hatred is the worst it has been since I was a teenager. Trying to drag myself out of it, but struggling and failing miserably.
     
  11. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Sit down and think, or write down, all the things that are good about yourself.
    Hard, I know, when you are in this frame of mind, but it should start to offset all the negativity you are feeling at present.
     
  12. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I could try that Terry, and I've got an exercise called Compassionate Letter Writing that I can do. But for everything positive thing I can think of, I can think of at least 2 things to veto that. Blah. Stupid brain!
     
  13. little lucy

    little lucy Active Member

    You have a fiance so he must think you are good looking! You probably look a lot better than you think. Our minds can screw us up sometimes.
     
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