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Disgusted with everything

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by takemyhangover, Aug 10, 2011.

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  1. takemyhangover

    takemyhangover New Member


    I am 20 years old and I genuinely want death. I hate everything about living. I am completely obsessive, especially with regards to my appearance, which I detest to the point where I cannot stand to look at myself in the mirror. It has gotten so bad that I hate attractive females and I am completely envious of any male that I deem more attractive than myself. Despite being this supposedly intelligent guy, I have failed at university countless times due to this intense depression. I have dreams of becoming a writer but from what I can gather it seems that is nearly impossible to be successful at, so what's the point. The only thing stopping me from already killing myself is my lack of a gun. People on here will say "think of your parents and friends"...I honestly do not care because I'll be dead. I pretty much hate everyone who exists so I really could not care less what anyone thinks about me offing myself. There'll be assholes I don't even like at my funeral who would just be there for appearances. Everything is so phony it sickens me.
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Hey takemyhangover,

    I am sorry you are feeling so rubbish at the moment. We don't like to talk about any methods here as we are a pro life site. :)

    Have you been to see a professional about your depression? It sounds like you have extremely low self esteem and could do with some therapy and possibly meds hun. Have you confided in anyone else?

    Keep posting and don't feel alone xxxx
  3. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    The thing that really helped me when I was very suicidal was listening to music. It would really help push the thoughts away.

    When I was at school one day, I told myself I was going to go home, and kill myself. But I listened to the song Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls, and it pretty much saved my life. If I didn't listen to it, I'm pretty sure I would have killed myself.

    I don't know what kind of music you like so i'm going to give you a list of songs that really helped me through my darkest days. (And like you, if I had access to a gun, I would have blown my brains out a long time ago)

    Iris-Goo Goo Dolls
    Black Balloon-Goo Goo Dolls
    Crawling-Linkin Park
    Breaking the Habit-Linkin Park
    Coma Black-Marilyn Manson
    In The shadow In the Valley of death-Marilyn Manson
    Got Monsters-Keith Caputo
    Never Too late-Three Days Grace
    Jumper-Third Eye Blind

    But music can only help you so much. You should realy see a therapist or physchiatrist to help you if you aren't already.
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Envy is not good - you got to let that one go - because its pointless.

    So what if other guys are more handsome? This means what exactly? That no woman will look at you? There are plenty of lovely woman who are not supermodels - in fact, woman always look better than men because they make an effort to look nice.

    All you need do is wear some decent clothes - be clean as a whistle and shaved and a dab of 'Ritual in the Dark' aftershave - the quintessential 'must have' for anyone dumb to believe me! (does not exist)

    Seriously though - depression can wreak havoc with self image. I've been lucky - I never gave a fu** what anyone actually thought about me. I'm not the classic profile - I'm no oil painting that is for sure - but I could still walk into the pub and get along with at least 10% of the woman there.

    Or I can get drunk and stand by the bar waiting - because I talk a lot - and it draws people into my circle. So - if your not the best looking guy - then you need to use other strategies. Some men can just sit in any pub and get hit upon by a few woman. Other guys have to do something else to attract a female. Money is the easiest. Get rich and you'll meet the wrong women! Almost always!

    As for failing courses - do not worry - just keep trying - and use your illness to get some leeway. Might as well get some use out of it!

    Writing - mate - I am 46 and have written ALL my life - even writing funny stories as a young man. But it took me 30 years to get acclaim and I did appear in most of the UK papers - who praised me. They kissed my a** - and lined up to do so. But - the acclaim was not all its made to be. Fame sucks - well it would for me. But I'll have it all the same - and it will not change me.

    I got other things to write about now.

    So keep writing!

    I'm glad I have depression as it makes writing easier.

    Helps you understand human nature a bit better.

    It is NOT impossible to be successful at writing.

    If you want it - take it!

    Its yours.
  5. chipper

    chipper Well-Known Member

    If you want to be a writer, then write. Write a story, an essay, a book, a script, a blog, whatever it is you want to write. Never stop doing something you want to do just because you think you won't be successful. the minute you think you won't be successful then you won't be. if you don't believe in yourself, no one will.

    seek help. your anger is rooted on something. your obsessive about your looks and hates everyone who looks good. I am sure you know something is wrong with that. you didn't say what's your deal and it might be too complicated to explain here. so seek professional help.

    or write. you would be surprised at how good it feels to be able to say things stuck in your mind.
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