Hello, I am 20 years old and I genuinely want death. I hate everything about living. I am completely obsessive, especially with regards to my appearance, which I detest to the point where I cannot stand to look at myself in the mirror. It has gotten so bad that I hate attractive females and I am completely envious of any male that I deem more attractive than myself. Despite being this supposedly intelligent guy, I have failed at university countless times due to this intense depression. I have dreams of becoming a writer but from what I can gather it seems that is nearly impossible to be successful at, so what's the point. The only thing stopping me from already killing myself is my lack of a gun. People on here will say "think of your parents and friends"...I honestly do not care because I'll be dead. I pretty much hate everyone who exists so I really could not care less what anyone thinks about me offing myself. There'll be assholes I don't even like at my funeral who would just be there for appearances. Everything is so phony it sickens me.