Disgusted with my weight

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Petal, Apr 12, 2016.

  1. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I was out shopping today and happened to glance into a full length mirror. My legs looked massive, my tummy was sagging down, I wanted to run out of there and cry but I said no I am going to stay and do what I have to do reminding myself that my weight is not permanent. Disgusted with my body I was. I'm going to go and weigh myself now for the first time in a while BRB...oh my goodness I was not expecting that. 22 stone 0 lbs. I'm trying so hard to lose weight, I know it takes time and know what to do and avoid. I'm just ashamed that I let myself go like this. I feel disgusting. Does anyone have any nice tips for me? :( I'm joining slimming world tomorrow, here's to a fresh start :)
    DrownedFishOnFire and Khvde like this.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Petal, you are right. Your weight is not permanent, and you are working on it! That is amazing!
    Losing weight takes time, if you exercise remember that muscles weigh a lot more than fat!

    Joining a place like slimming world should hopefully help you as well, don't give up hun, but don't be too hard on yourself either. Your weight might stagnate for a while but that is not necessarily a bad thing. You should see if they have those scales that measure body fat and muscle as well, that would give you a better insight.

    At the childrens obesity clinic I worked for they worked with lifestyle changes rather than diets (if you said the word 'diet' in front of the head doctor he might chop your head off, lol). They would give the children a list of changes to their lifestyles and food intake, that fit the child... changing things like biking to school instead of taking the bus, changing wheat buns to rye bread, cheese to low fat chicken sliced meat for lunch or breakfast...
    Petal likes this.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Rant #2

    The people I went to school with are getting married and starting families, I feel left behind. They have their degrees and their cars and are definitely happier than I (not that I judge people like that but you know what i'm saying) i'm stuck in a time zone, i feel like im stuck at age 13, lonely and scared, i isolated myself for years now here's the pay back for it and what feels like a war zone. A war against myself. It would be easier to say screw this and end my life but i could never ever do that to my family or SF. I'm crying now, i haven't cried in a long time :(
    CGMAngel likes this.
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    *hugs you tight*

    It's okay to cry, @Petal remember that. I know you feel bad... and I know exactly how this feels.
    But you can't compare yourself to other people. You are you, and you are amazing! You have survived a lot, and you're fighting such a brave battle. You are an inspiration actually. You have really helped me personally and inspired me a lot.
    Don't give up hun.

    Who can say you would be happy just because you had what everyone else had? You can make your own happiness, and I believe in you hun!

    I'm here if you want to talk
  5. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    *hugs* Do not compare yourself to others. You are an amazing caring person.
    Petal likes this.
  6. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    @Petal try not to be so hard in yourself weight don't just magically fall off unfortunately. BUT you are taking the right steps and processes to help you loose weight. You just need to find what works for your body food and exercise wise...because not everybody is the same.

    I am glad you are joking the program does it come with a support coach or is it just you doing it?? Maybe get someone close to you to help support and encourage you to keep going she things get tough. Plus you have all us here to help lift and support you.

    It's not going to be an easy road but I admire you so much for taking the steps to do somthing and remeber movement is important eve if it's only a little bit each day and then maybe after awhile you may be able to increase the amount you do. Dont push yaself to hard or have unrealistic goals.

    I wish you all the best in your journey ahead.

    I also understand the feeling of being left behind that's honestly how i feel as well altho i only have I e friend she has her own family and is happy and the of co use the dreaded Facebook i see everyone happy or have babies or pregnate or even single but actually have a life. I seem to have nothing of that. But it dosnt mean we can and won't get there its just a matter of when.

    *big hugs*
    Petal likes this.
  7. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    My tip is to remember it took years and years and year to get to the point you are at now and that it isn't a race to get the weight off. When weight comes off slowly or you have a week when you gain for no apparent reason, don't feel bad and give up. I had several weeks where I gained instead of lost - for no reason because I had been so good - but I decided I wouldn't do what I always do which is get sad and eat half a cake and enough KFC for 4 people. I know it is going to take a couple of years at least to get to a place I want to be weight wise - but that is 2 years compared with the rest of my life. And taking it slow is better than trying to go fast and beating myself up.

    You can do this - anything down is great and the important thing to remember is as long as it isn't UP its a win. Even if you stay the same - that is better than the scales constantly climbing and it is progress.

    Don't let yourself be hungry - because hungry is too tempting to go get chips or chinese (though slimming world you can in fact have chinese if you choose carefully - chicken chow mein for example is only like 7 syns or something which is less than half what you are allowed in a day) - Like I got hungry today at the end of work and rather than risk going home and eating something bad because I was hungry I snacked on an apple so I would make a good food choice about dinner. I didn't want the apple - but it served a purpose.
    Petal likes this.
  8. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I don't know a lot about what you're going through because I am genetically very lucky. But struggle mightily in nearly every other area! I believe that thinking about it too much could become unhelpful. If you have a sweet once in a while, don't beat yourself up. Just let it be. If you were to think of it like how long it takes to get to this point, and how hard it would be to go through all that again? It'd be tremendous work! But it basically happened because you weren't -- & when I say you, I'm speaking in general terms for any one who may be in this same spot -- worrying about it and trying to make it happen. So maybe just relax, and take it easy, and just live. By this I don't mean eat whatever you want, but try not to look at the finish line or end result. Just take it one step at a time. And eventually, over time, just as you put it on you will take it off. But again, I am no expert. So I am speculating about how I would tackle a like problem. If I am trying to make a great change, and accomplish something extraordinary, then over analyzing it and being too self critical each and every step of the way is only going to set me up for failure. Whereas if I take a more hands off / care less or care free approach -- at least the way my mind works -- I'll have a much greater chance at success.
    Petal likes this.
  9. Fading_Awayy

    Fading_Awayy SF Supporter

    You can do it Lynn , we believe in you :) it will take time and alot of effort but its gonna be so damn worth it , ❤ *hugsqueeeeez*
    Petal likes this.
  10. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Oh hun, I am sorry to hear you're not having a good day. But you shouldn't feel disgusted with yourself. Just keep trying your hardest. That's all you can really do. Some weeks you will lose more than others. You may not see much of a shift on the scale, but what you lose in body fat, you gain in muscle. So that could be one reason why it is slow going. Please take it easy and don't rush, you will get there eventually :)
    Petal likes this.
  11. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    Do you use myfitnesspal? I know that you had mentioned it to me, but I'm wondering if you use it on a regular basis because it's been really helpful. It was frustrating and very tedious to use at first, but once I had logged all of my food on the first day, I didn't have to keep searching the database for what I'm eating because the food was already listed in my history; I eat about the same things every day, so that's why. Anyway, I like that you're being positive about this because losing/gaining weight really does require a lot of patience. You won't reach your target weight over night nor a week nor even a month, but what you will see is gradual progress, and you'll hopefully feel a little better about yourself every time.
    Although I'm relatively young, I feel the same way, except I suppose I'm stuck at 19 when I dropped college. You're not alone. :)
    Petal likes this.
  12. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Awe Petal, it breaks my heart that you feel this bad, you're such a beautiful person and are so kind and caring. I wish I had an answer for you just to make you feel better. Everybody loves and cares about you here. Please don't be so hard on yourself, do the best you can and I'm sure it will work out.
    ((Hugs)) my friend
    Petal likes this.
  13. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Petal, it's takes time to lose weight. It took me three years to loose the excess weight but the hardest part is the maintenance. Don't worry about today as we all allowed to have a blip. Please don't compare yourself to others as YOU ARE AMAZING PERSON. I know without YOUR CONTINOUS SUPPORT TO ME, YOU SAVED ME. So stand tall and be proud of yourself. YOU ARE AN AMAZIN PERSON...
    Petal likes this.
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm struggling with my weight so much because I don't know where I am going wrong. Most days I don't even eat enough because I have nausea from anxiety a lot but I am working on that (eating enough). My mom said she cannot understand how I am gaining weight as I am eating normally, I was diagnosed with diabetes a month ago, could be related?

    Thank you all so much for the caring and helpful responses! You guys are truly wonderful! I called the crisis nurse last night because I couldn't cope and if what I said had been put into practise I would have been locked up, she was a sarcastic bitch so I gave her sarcastic answers, the day hospital will probably follow up and I am going to deny I rang them at all. They are friggin useless (the crisis team, not the day hospital).

    Yes, it takes time to lose weight, I am going to aim for a half hour of exercise today, 5 portions of fruit and veg and the rest healthy food. It's really ironic as when I joined this site I was about 6 stone (very under weight) now I am huge, I think a lot of it is down to the psych meds, they make you ravenous. I am not sure how slimming world works yet but I will go today and hopefully I will start seeing results relatively soon :) I am feeling more optimistic today after a good nights sleep.

    I tried myfitnesspal and used to use it a lot but I log everything I eat into my weight loss diary on here so I don't need it.

    It's really depressing and embarrasssing seeing my old school mates having it all. I know life is not a race but it's still disheartening. Thank you all SO much. You have made me feel better. Thanks for the continous support!
    Fading_Awayy likes this.
  15. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Have you had your thyroid checked? Maybe your metabolism is out of whack... There are meds you can take gør that though

    Also some psych medication can cause weight gain as well. It's worth looking into hun
    Petal likes this.
  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I had my thyroid checked last year by an endocrinologist, maybe it needs to be checked again. It was fine when checked. My glands are ''whacked'' (yes the doctor used the word whacked lol) my glands and cortisol levels she was talking about, my cortisol is abnormally low, maybe that is having an effect on my weight. Thanks @ThePhantomLady
  17. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    There are so many factors that van cause weight gain. You should go to your doctor and get it checked.

    And especially with the psych meds... One of my jobs at the children's obesity clinic was to write down the meds that the kids had taken... I'm not a scientist, just was a research assistant and secretary but there was a coincidence too great for me to ignore... and it was backed by my former therapist years back... We agreed to try therapy before medication because I am already big... but I think I need meds now though...
    Petal likes this.
  18. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Oh. I just remembered I did have my thyroid checked at the same time I was diagnosed with diabetes, it was normal. I am on zyprexa,lyrica,valium,sertraline and lexapro. Quite a combination I know but I have been on meds for years, they keep me stable.

    Therapy before medication is a great idea. I wish they had done that with me but the issue was I really needed the meds. I have been referred to an obesity clinic in a city 2 counties away I am waiting for their response, I have no idea what they do and don't know how they can help me beyond what I am already doing but hey-ho the doctor knows best :)
  19. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Diabetes is unlikely to be causing you an issue with losing the weight. I don't know enough about cortisol to understand what is going on there so it would be worth asking if that could be causing a problem. I have a really under active thyroid but taking the meds for that (which is supposed to HELP lose weight) make it impossible for me to shift it at all. I have no idea what is going on with that and the doctors insist it 'can't' be true - only it is. Sometimes meds do things to the body that they are not 'meant' to - with the amount of meds you are on I would not be surprised if some of them are causing you a problem.

    Think about it like this - when your heart rate is raised you burn more calories - that is why caffeine is known to help weight loss. It stimulates the heart which boosts the metabolism. You take so many meds for anxiety that you are constantly 'artificially' lowering your heart rate and your metabolism. Valium, for example, regularly causes weight gain because it makes everything about your body (brain, heart, etc) work really sluggishly.

    I took Mirtazepine for 2 years even though I knew it was 'making me fat' (put on about 40lbs taking it) because I needed to. It didn't matter that I was gaining weight because of it because without it I may have killed myself. And lets face it - suicidal and feeling like shit is more important to deal with than weight gain. Sometimes you have to choose your battle. Is your weight making you feel miserable enough to work on managing your anxiety without the medication? Because it may be that while you are still on all the meds you are, the weight will come off very slowly, if at all. Only you know what is making you feel worse - the weight or the anxiety. And there isn't a "right" answer - if you need the meds then you might have to accept the weight gain.

    I think that the key is just making as many good choices for your body as possible. You eat good food and that is good for your body - exercise certainly is good for your body and for your brain (lovely endorphines) as long as you don't cause yourself pain (I know people say no pain no gain blah blah but pain is an indication of damaging something - exercise should make you a bit breathless and a bit sore the next day but it should not HURT - my doctor says if you are too out of breath to hold a conversation your heart is working too hard and if your muscles hurt genuine pain then you are damaging them)

    Focus on making good healthy choices - that means ONLY taking meds as prescribed and ONLY when absolutely needed. Eating fruit and veggies and good foods like fish and nuts. Excercising when you can. Getting into a proper sleep pattern (messed up sleep can cause weight gain too) and doing things for yourself that are positive and productive (healthy mind, healthy body). If you focus on making good healthy choices, the rest will come :)
    Northern and Petal like this.
  20. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    You also need to take a look at what you are drinking. You drink a lot of fizzy pop which is not good for you either. Even diet pop, in excess is bad for you. Try switching pop to sugar free squash. Much healthier for you.
    DrownedFishOnFire and Petal like this.