I just got home. I was out with friends from work, having fun, karaoke, and one of my coworkers drove me home. I ended up having sex with him in his car. Yes, I've thought about it. But I like to think of myself as someone who has morals and who doesn't just sleep with people because they want to feel needed or pretty. I'm so sick of myself. I keep telling myself I won't do it anymore. But this has been happening since my first boyfriend left me after 11 months, 3 years ago (when I was 20) and I have just felt so abandoned. I don't feel anyone will ever care about me the way he did or treat me the way he did, especially now that I'm so disgusting. I'm disgusted with myself. No one could ever love someone like me. I fuck people so I can feel loved, even if it's just for an hour. I fuck people so I can feel needed. I fuck people even though I know I'll feel disgusting afterward. I'm just so sick of it but I can't stop. I just want someone to hold me and I want to feel like they feel something when they do. I'm disgusting. I'm a ***** who deserves to die. I'm tired of being alone. No one will ever love a disgusting *****, and even if they do they'll get tired of me and throw away their trash. I'm just so tired and i hate myself and I hate that I can't stop and I just want to be gone.