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Disillusioned and defeated

#1
So reality right now is getting up each morning to face another day where no matter what I do I get reminded that I am complete trash. Some people say they have a perpetual cloud of rain over their head, mine seems to me more of a perpetual cloud of malice. I am witnessing first hand that law of attraction really is a thing, the more I squirm in pain the more hell rains down upon me. There is no one to call, no one to talk to, no one to offer any empathy. The people I've tried talking to give me the same response: you are selfish, pull yourself up by the bootstraps, stop whining, your problems are petty etc.

It's just the same thing over and over again, it never stops. I just wish I really had the courage to end it. The worlds going to complete shit so why even bother?
 
#3
I'm sorry that things have been so bad and that people around you have been unsupportive.

Do you want to say more about what's happened?
Life and an endless string of failures and disappointments has happened pretty much. I realize I am the cause of all of it, so what's the point anymore?
 
#4
Usually there's a way to make things better so that you feel glad to be alive. I know things have been really bad for a long time, but maybe there's a chance they could get better.
 
#5
Usually there's a way to make things better so that you feel glad to be alive. I know things have been really bad for a long time, but maybe there's a chance they could get better.
Thank you for the encouraging words, really don't see much hope anymore. Been dealing with crippling anxiety for almost 30 years now and it's getting really hard to see any reason to continue. The reality is that I'm alone sitting in a 24 square meter apartment with no way to help that. I can call my brother and he might answer and talk 5 minutes until he announces that he has other more important things to tend to (like mowing the lawn)
 
#6
Thank you for the encouraging words
You're welcome!
I can call my brother and he might answer and talk 5 minutes until he announces that he has other more important things to tend to (like mowing the lawn)
It sounds like he's only willing or able to offer very limited support
Been dealing with crippling anxiety for almost 30 years now
That's a long time. I've had social anxiety for a long time, but it's usually under control enough that I can basically function
 
#7
You're welcome!

It sounds like he's only willing or able to offer very limited support

That's a long time. I've had social anxiety for a long time, but it's usually under control enough that I can basically function
I wish it was just social anxiety, it used to be more of that and it was it easy to remedy with seclusion. It's a different story now and there is no escape. The only crutch I've had has been alcohol. I know it makes it worse but at least there is a brief moment of relief.

And to everyone who says just don't drink bro I welcome them to try being inside me for a week and then come back to me.

Sorry about that ranting I'm all over the place right now
 
#10
sorry people belittle your problems, big or small they're still valid, your pain is valid. pain is pain, people can't invalidate it based on their own experiences of it. I think too many people can't see outside their own perceptions and experiences so try to paint everyone with the same brush.

I'm the same at the moment, no support either. Well, no consistent solid support. I do normally from one person but they haven't felt like talking for months so I'm alone. It is so much harder without proper support/any at all.

sending love
 
#11
Maybe there are some other ways to deal with the anxiety that could help, and eventually you might be able to cut back on or quit drinking
Been trying to do that for 5 years now to no avail. Life sober is searing pain, life drinking is even more severe pain but sprinkled with short occurrences with tranquility
 
#13
I think there have probably been people in the same position as you are in now that have been able to find a way to make things better. That doesn't mean that it would be easy or certain that things would get better, but rather that it's possible
 
#14
sorry people belittle your problems, big or small they're still valid, your pain is valid. pain is pain, people can't invalidate it based on their own experiences of it. I think too many people can't see outside their own perceptions and experiences so try to paint everyone with the same brush.

I'm the same at the moment, no support either. Well, no consistent solid support. I do normally from one person but they haven't felt like talking for months so I'm alone. It is so much harder without proper support/any at all.

sending love
Sending love to you too, we all need validation and support, sadly we live in a world where it's seen as a weakness
 
#15
Maybe the link in my signature has something that could help?
I opened it in a separate window so I can read it tomorrow, I went a little overboard the past hour and drank a lot and I'm really feeling it right now. It would be quite rude to give an appraisal of something in this state, I'm sorry
 
#18
It's ok, there's nothing to be sorry about

I hope something can help
Thank you for the kind words, it is frustrating certainly to try to talk to someone who is overcome with intense emotions, I understand that. I still feel the exact same way, I just feel guilty for reaching out and people trying to help but I'm still stuck in myself all the same. I just don't even now what I need anymore.

If we all could have just some compassion for the fellow man we would make it in no time at all, sorry for the rambling
 
#19
Thank you for the kind words
You're welcome!
it is frustrating certainly to try to talk to someone who is overcome with intense emotions, I understand that
Well, if talking helps at all, it's really much more of a positive experience. It's frustrating that there's a limit to how much I can help, but if I can help a little bit, that's still really good.
If we all could have just some compassion for the fellow man we would make it in no time at all
That's really true.
sorry for the rambling
There's nothing to be sorry about. This is what SF is for
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#20
i'm sorry that you have been suffering from anxiety for so long @Endlessagony . anxiety is a crippling monster that is very difficult to defeat. have you talked to your doctor and be honest how bad it is? i suffer mild aniety but occasionally it gets severe, one night i was close to suicide evenn though i didn't really want to because of severe anxiety. my doctor put me on 2 meds 1 of them as needed and 1 long term preventon. most anxiety can be better with meds. it won't cure it but make it manageable.

and you have people to talk to now. SF is a peer community which means a lot of people have been through it and therefore understand. you never have to suffer alone again. you can come here to seek empathy and support or just plain have fun with friends. anytime you want to talk feel free to use my inbox. i hope you feel better soon...mike...*hug*console*shake
 

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