Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by FrainBart, Nov 10, 2013.

  1. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    A word that comes to mind when I think of this site. What once was a haven, is now a hell. The false hopes, the comforting lies, whenever there is any comfort, if there is any at all. The empty promise. The bullshit lies. Is one to believe what they see any more?

    A pro life site, of no medical support, is purely just a breeding zone for a persons misery, a place to whinge and complain, yet do nothing at all. Sometimes I wonder whether a site like this should survive, before a mass cull of the unsupported misery... and then the disillusionment sets in. What they once thought existed there, was never there at all. Why should one feel such thoughts and feelings to a site...?

    I have become a shadow myself, I sit in the chat room, in a room alone to further confirm my worthlessness, my non existence to the world... my unimportance. I am just another miserable loner on the site, who through her own doing is incapable of doing the simplest of tasks to better herself. But thats the whole story of the site... Countless members, countless woes, and yet no effort to better themselves, really? Is this a support site or a breeding zone. Misery joins misery, and comfort fades. A competition of who has it worse, a selfish arrogance from a few I shall not name. Words... thats what it comes down to... a whole load of words that mean absolutely nothing. And should one say the worst of all... it gets forgotten and tossed aside... a few short days and they are placed upon a list of ones who didnt make it. Yet these losses do not deter us, we see the world with shuttered eyes. With blindness or tunnel vision, we only want one thing. And perhaps until we get what we wish there is no living, there is no surviving.

    I often think of people in a less than favourable light from their responses, I used to manage to hold myself back but really what worth is there to it. I won't butter things up any more nor will I do so for this site. What bothers me greatly is my inability to stay away. It becomes somewhat of an addiction to come and see what I can see each day, to read about how others are doing. Once now and then I find a post to which I can offer some words of what are attempted to be supportive, but really they are just an offer of a comforting lie.

    I know so many of you will reject my view at this moment, I do not doubt that, perhaps I will be downtrodden for it. An opinion of my own is no less valid to yours or your friends.

    But I ask you this... are you really going anywhere, or just breeding on your own misery?
  2. jcat

    jcat Staff Alumni

    you put it in words that im unable to. thank you. ive been here so long. im addicted to SF. i cant leave....nor can i leave
  3. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    As the saying goes - misery loves company....

    I shall leave my own opinions on the site out of this thread.
  4. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    part of it is true, but you seem to only see one side of the medal.

    I come here to vent, but also to know I'm not the only one feeling the way I'm feeling comforts me. I don't expect life to be easy and always be happy, real life is both. We're just raised to highlight the negative more than the positive. We almost worship negative experiences. If 9 out of 10 times we succeeded, we'll mostly remember the 1 and only time we failed. I'm trying to change that in myself, but I"m not perfect so sometimes I come on here and voice out my thoughts, worries and see if others relate, I guess I'm not really here for a solution, I'm here for support and being heard...

    everyone has their own journey to go on, the only journey that should matter is your own. You deserve happiness and support from others, but it starts from inside. Worry about yourself and everything will fall into place
  5. Anon06

    Anon06 Member

    You are quite right, FailingHope. But you know what? Even though you realize it you are still "addicted". It probably means that deep down you haven't given up hope that you might find something meaningful, something worth your time. That's probably a groundless hope as well, a "lie" as well. In the end you won't find much help here, but in this world there are many people who have been followed by professionals for years and still offed themselves in the end. No one works miracles.
    And if you look at it this way, every form of human relationship comes down to these "lies". What's the point of hanging out with friends? What's the point of asking "how are you today?"? If someone is fine there is no need for us to do much, if someone isn't fine most of times there is little or nothing we can do to help. Even if you are not depressed, if you have troubles most of your acquaintances will only be able to tell you "it will be fine", "you will get over it" and so on. But it's just cheap comfort; we usually always have to deal alone with our own problems. And if an acquaintance can't do much, what do you expect from a bunch of strangers on the internet?
    There are lots of whiners, they can be arrogant at times, but it's probably because they are angry, with the world and themselves, and they're at their wits' end if they're looking for help on the internet instead of seeking it from their family or friends. Though sometimes a word of advice can make the difference. Being able to vent can help. But it doesn't end there; ultimately your life is up to you. No one can magically change it for you. You have to make your move, only you can make the difference. If you are desperate you don't have anything to lose so you might as well try everything you can. If you are still idle it means that you aren't desperate yet, and probably you aren't truly disillusioned yet.

    Eh. Words. That's right. Just words. That's the only thing we can do. Even though sometimes they seem meaningless, words have proved to have much more power than you credit them. And you still bothered to come here and type all that. Why would you do that if words were that useless? What are you even trying to accomplish by talking to us? Don't you just want to be understood? Isn't this the same for everyone who comes here? The fact that the subject matter of your whining is a critique of the very same place which allows you to vent is just your way of saying "it's not enough", "I need more help". To my eyes it seems like you are still reaching out like everyone else, it's just that you are more aware of the hopelessness of this action; though you still haven't reached true hopelessness, otherwise you wouldn't even bother typing, you would be persuaded that writing on this site is pointless. We have no certainties in this world, that authorizes us to cling on some fashion of hope no matter the odds. It's your choice to give up at any given moment, but when you do that what will you gain? Nothing, very likely. Might as well try your best even if it seems hopeless; and that applies not only here but your life as a whole.
  6. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Ok - lets put a feeler out there.

    What happens when people type through a messageboard/forum etc? They type what they want us to read. Sometimes it's genuine, sometimes its a complete web of lies, but as "non-judgemental" people seem to exist through this site, and they act upon it being genuine, what happens when it falls flat on its face?

    I put non-judgemental in quotes because everyone has the capacity to judge in one way or another, whether they want to admit that they do or not is a different matter entirely.

    FailingHope has been on this site for almost as long as I have - and in that time the pair of us have seen a number of things (in our own ways) that by and large, I'm sure we wouldn't have expected. I wouldn't agree with everything that they said, but I daresay my view is a lot more opinionated and unsuitable for members to read. To the point I would be better served going to a completely different site - and that's a startling proposition. Someone who came here? Needs to go elsewhere because even here isn't right? It's almost like I'm destined to never fit in with anyone or anything and either muddle my misery through life, or put a plastic face on to be included then discarded time and time again.

    Words are powerful if they are taken in the way that is meant. Reading how much I have through this site (both forum and chat) - I am unsure in general if I'm reading person's perspective, or a "concocted" perspective of what they want us to believe. I have been gullible and naïve myself to believe most, then when getting into finding out more, (I found out once that someone who suffered from a car crash had drunk alcohol, said no to driving, then did it anyway, resulting in the car crash), I discovered that their own actions led to it. So once I found that out I lost all sympathy, and haven't been as gullible or naïve since.

    Disillusioned? That sits with these questions. Why would I not be if I've been told that I'll never see my son again because I didn't believe in arranged marriages? Why would I not be if I've been accused of things that may be perceptionally biased? Why would I not be if I get told I can find a job because someone else has it worse (albeit I've discovered something that makes their situation something of their own making whereas mine isn't)? Why would I not be if I get told "it could be worse" upon trying to talk through my condition that I do have (It's primarily a genetic condition, but it can be fatal if untreated - although a secondary form would be through excess alcohol)? And yes - they've all happened here - on this very site.

    I'm sure you mean well Anon06. I'm just giving you a little bit of a reality to the perception I have had on this site and how its changed. When people move on with their lives and move away from SF through turning their lives around - we don't hear of it (or if we do it's like it's kept under wraps). But if someone goes the other way and does die, there's condolence messages aplenty. Bad news travels fast. Couldn't be more apt. Good news? what is that again?
  7. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    I hope you don't mind anon, but I am going to pull apart your whole comment.
    You dont need to find something meaningful to be addicted to something. I am addicted to smoking, theres nothing really meaningful behind it anymore. Before it was a sense of relief, and now it is a motion of habit, nothing meaningful there.
    No, miracles are non existent. I do not expect miracles. I do not expect anything anymore, certainly not from this site. I have had a shoulder offered under false promises, to which were never continued. I came to this site for a reprieve of some difficult times, originally I joined a month after my daughter was admitted to hospital, and I was in a tough time, although only suffering with pnuemonia, and was released after a week, seeing her so helpless and weak at that time, I wanted to find somewhere to offer me support in turning my life around because seeing her that unwell made me realise just how much she needed me.
    There may be little done to help but the support isoften what someone needs. Someone to listen to understand and to see how hard it is for them at that time. Often times I have sat alone in chat on a few of my darker days, feeling worthless feeling useless and pathetic, and I sit in a chat room designed for heavier subjects, while people who repeatedly proclaim to always talk to people sitting alone in a room, come buy sit and ignore the fact I am there. I have sat in chat to log out after an hour of confirming my little value to the world. To find out that a rather large selection of people have contacted someone else to enquire as to how I am doing. None of those could even approach me when I had been sat in chat just 5 minutes previous.
    My only acquaintances are really upon this forum. or a group who I shared one thing in common, my daughter being born the same month as theirs. so really if my acquaintances can offer me nothing, neither can this forum.
    Let me share with you the definition of disillusioned. disappointed in someone or something that one discovers to be less good than one had believed.
    So Yes I am disillusioned, for me to discover that really this site is not what I once thought it to be.

    I shan't pull appart what you have said anymore though this last paragraph will be left whole. I have failed to come to this site in times of my darkest moments, because due to previous experiences it has proved to be pointless. Yes there si nothing can be done but on frequent occasions to have little advice offered to me, I am just talking to an empty screen that no one can offer or shed some light to.
  8. wyngedbyste

    wyngedbyste Well-Known Member

    Did you ever think that it may not be all about you? Perhaps you are here to help others? Maybe something in your situation will resonate with someone else? What if you help one other person? That's good enough, don't you think?

    About all one can expect from the internet is shared words because that's all there is. For real help, real life is best.

  9. Anon06

    Anon06 Member

    If you are addicted to something there is always a reason, FailingHope. In the case of smoking, it's because nicotine causes a physical dependence, and so you would feel unwell if you don't assume it in your body. Admittedly whether or not a reason is truly "meaningful" is debatable, but as long as there is a motive there is some fashion of meaning in what you are doing, in the sense of acting for a purpose.
    I'm not saying that this place is paradise on Earth, or any other place for that matter. There is only so much a person can do for someone else, and to find someone willing to do that much is a blessing; you can't expect to only meet nice guys in your life. On the contrary, experience taught you that disappointing guys are much more common. Though what you are criticizing is not the particular individuals but this site as a whole and the very idea of this site. Why si that? People are always willing to generalize because it's convenient, it makes the world look simple and easily understandable. Well yeah, sometimes these generalizations are spot-on. But as I told you in my previous post your complaints can apply to any form of human interaction. In the end the real issue is not the concept of this site but rather the people in it, which appear to you to be hypocrites, because you didn't perceive the attention they promised. This opinion of yours is understandable, but it applies to humanity as a whole, not only to this environment. In our society almost everyone pretends to work for the common good while they are only taking care of their own interests. As for the hypocrites here what can we say? Maybe they like to act like white knights because it makes them look good to their own eyes and to those of others, but they don't really care about fulfilling their role; maybe they would like to help you but don't really know what to tell you, in which case we can't call them hypocrites but merely incompetents.
    Is it really that bad to create a place where people in the same condition can meet each other? Does it only breed misery? Can we really be healed? Perhaps not. Perhaps just having the chance to talk about our issues is enough. Maybe there are people luckier than you that managed to find someone who listens to them and understands them. In most cases you just have to learn how to coexist with your condition, you are never able to be healed, to be "normal".
    Long story short you have only two options: 1. Reach the conclusion that human beings are either evil liars or incompetent beings unable to help you, so you might as well give up on them and don't bother trying to communicate. 2. Believe that it is possible that a person exists which is both able and willing to help you, and therefore keep trying to reach out in order to find a person who understands you.
    As you are now you are acting in a contradictory manner, claiming to be disillusioned but still coming here out of habit and inertia. You might be disappointed in this place, you might think it is far worse than you thought, but I'm not gonna buy that you are still here without any kind of aim or motive, no matter how faint and vague it could be.
  10. Butterfly

    Butterfly Resident SF Sims Enthusiast Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I have tried to avoid replying to this thread as long as possible because it does frustrate me a little bit. The hypocrisy for one thing. Maybe if you decided to actively seek out some support instead of choosing to sit alone in TS to "confirm your own worthlessness" then maybe you would have received some support. Have you not considered that the other people in the chat room may not have been doing well themselves. Have you not considered that people were supporting them because they asked for the support. There have been many times where I have either sent you a pm or come down to TS to be met with no reply or the conversation doesn't seem to go anywhere. I'm not gonna say that I've done it all the time cause I haven't. I've also been in TS by myself and no one, including you has come to offer me support? Why? Because I didn't ask for it so how could people know? Pepole are not mind readers. I also think that when people make it crystal clear of what they think of my offering of support I feel less compelled to give it.

    If you feel disillusioned, then why not post an LTM of what the site could do to support you better and offer solutions. But if you feel so strongly about how we are failing you as a site you can choose jot to log in or find somewhere else that may be able to offer you the support we failed to provide. This site is jot for everyone.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 17, 2013