Disorder in the court

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by neverdie, Aug 7, 2007.

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  1. neverdie

    neverdie Guest

    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
    WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan!
    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
    WITNESS: We both do.
    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    WITNESS: We do.
    ATTORNEY: You do?
    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
    He doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?
    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different Attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Guess.
    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
    Deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed
    On dead people?
    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you
    Like to rephrase that?
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
    An autopsy on him!
    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
    --- And the best for last: ---

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
    Did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
    When you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

  2. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

  3. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    HAHA that was funny.
    Thanks for showing me that :)
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Brilliant...I woke up came on line and laughed meself silly..what a great start to the day :laugh::biggrin:
  5. StellarSparkle

    StellarSparkle Well-Known Member

  6. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hehe, I love things like this. Thanks. :) :hug:
  7. chasing_dreams

    chasing_dreams Well-Known Member

    :rofl: that's hilarious!! thanks :laugh:
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