I have lived the most shameful situation of my life, this afternoon, in my therapist office. It was like a rape of my feelings.
I told him, last time, I had a perfect husband in my imagination and that man was actually a real man in life (of course, couldnt tell him it was actually "him".) It is not going well with my husband and that fake husband helps me to survive. And of course, I felt in love with him :sad:
Today, he totally embarassed me, unpurposely or not, by telling me it is a cope mechanism and a lot of his patients does it and that mostly, for them, the man is himself...then he asked me "Is it me?"....
WHAT WAS HE EXPECTED, REALLY...THAT I WAS GOING TO SAY "YES" ???
Of course, I answered no. He asked me again 2 more times later on. Each time I said no, he laughed. What does it means...was he embarassed that I could have say yes ? And really, what would he have done ?
So I asked him what about telling that man about my love. He said "if it is me, no problem" and he laughed again. "If it is someone else, than let me know before you do it." Then I asked what was the difference with him and he answered "I am a psychiatrist!".
SO ???????????????????????????????????????????
What the fuck should it make a difference for me ? Almost like saying "I can cure your love if it is me" or "who do you think you are to be in love with me ?".
I feel hurt so bad I want to drink alcohol when I have been sober for months.
This afternoon, I felt like dumping me and my car in front of a truck.
It really HURT me... feeling like I am not good enough to be loved :sad:
:sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:
I told him, last time, I had a perfect husband in my imagination and that man was actually a real man in life (of course, couldnt tell him it was actually "him".) It is not going well with my husband and that fake husband helps me to survive. And of course, I felt in love with him :sad:
Today, he totally embarassed me, unpurposely or not, by telling me it is a cope mechanism and a lot of his patients does it and that mostly, for them, the man is himself...then he asked me "Is it me?"....
WHAT WAS HE EXPECTED, REALLY...THAT I WAS GOING TO SAY "YES" ???
Of course, I answered no. He asked me again 2 more times later on. Each time I said no, he laughed. What does it means...was he embarassed that I could have say yes ? And really, what would he have done ?
So I asked him what about telling that man about my love. He said "if it is me, no problem" and he laughed again. "If it is someone else, than let me know before you do it." Then I asked what was the difference with him and he answered "I am a psychiatrist!".
SO ???????????????????????????????????????????
What the fuck should it make a difference for me ? Almost like saying "I can cure your love if it is me" or "who do you think you are to be in love with me ?".
I feel hurt so bad I want to drink alcohol when I have been sober for months.
This afternoon, I felt like dumping me and my car in front of a truck.
It really HURT me... feeling like I am not good enough to be loved :sad:
:sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: