Disrespectful ?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kassy, Sep 9, 2011.

  1. Kassy

    Kassy Well-Known Member

    I have lived the most shameful situation of my life, this afternoon, in my therapist office. It was like a rape of my feelings.

    I told him, last time, I had a perfect husband in my imagination and that man was actually a real man in life (of course, couldnt tell him it was actually "him".) It is not going well with my husband and that fake husband helps me to survive. And of course, I felt in love with him :sad:

    Today, he totally embarassed me, unpurposely or not, by telling me it is a cope mechanism and a lot of his patients does it and that mostly, for them, the man is himself...then he asked me "Is it me?"....

    WHAT WAS HE EXPECTED, REALLY...THAT I WAS GOING TO SAY "YES" ???
    Of course, I answered no. He asked me again 2 more times later on. Each time I said no, he laughed. What does it means...was he embarassed that I could have say yes ? And really, what would he have done ?

    So I asked him what about telling that man about my love. He said "if it is me, no problem" and he laughed again. "If it is someone else, than let me know before you do it." Then I asked what was the difference with him and he answered "I am a psychiatrist!".

    SO ???????????????????????????????????????????
    What the fuck should it make a difference for me ? Almost like saying "I can cure your love if it is me" or "who do you think you are to be in love with me ?".

    I feel hurt so bad I want to drink alcohol when I have been sober for months.
    This afternoon, I felt like dumping me and my car in front of a truck.

    It really HURT me... feeling like I am not good enough to be loved :sad:
    :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:
     
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    :arms:

    Ugh. I'm most turned off by his laughing twice. Just.. Ugh. Unprofessional from what I read on his part. And answering a serious question with "I am a psychiatrist!".. Ugh again. I am so sorry that you had to go through an experience like that. Hugs. ~ Alex
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I have had that experience...I now understand that the shame I felt was that I was revealed, left naked with my own fragilities, and I defined myself as 'sick', when in fact it is part of the 'process', and as he said, happens only to those who admit to it...you are OK and it is understandable to feel that way...we all want to be accepted as we are...and he must be a good therapist to be the object of those feelings
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 9, 2011
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    He would expect, what shrinks call, "transference".
    This is where patient believes they are in love with therapist and is perfectly normal in the therapy.
    He may have asked if it was someone else because he was worried you were about to muck up your marriage.
    if it is transference it can be very difficult to admit to and, yeah, bloody embarrassing.
    just remember he's heard it all before.
     
  5. marklondon

    marklondon Well-Known Member

    I agree with Mr Alex that it was unprofessional of him to laugh. However, I'm sure the reason he laughed is as Terry says, all psychiatrists have been trained to expect this, as it is indeed a very common thing for patients to become infatuated with or fall in love with (or believe they are in love with) their therapist ... my guess is he was not laughing at you, but it was more the kind of laugh that someone has when they encounter something which is exactly what the textbook told them to expect ... hard to explain this, but in my profession I have had this as well, where you read about something in training which sounds almost unbelievable (I could imagine trainee psychiatrists finding it strange that their patients might fall in love with them) and then you actually encounter it, just as it was described to you -- for some reason that kind of situation has made me laugh at how reality actually matches the training (though what I do is not at all like psychiatry).

    Anyway I am absolutely sure you are good enough to be loved. What you must realise is that (A) He has been trained to expect patients to believe they are in love with him, but that he must deal with this by dissuading them, and (B) He knows that he could never form a romantic relationship with you, because it goes against his entire ethical code of practice. That's probably why he wants to know openly about your feelings, and it's also why he won't reciprocate them (and if he does, you should find a new psychiatrist, because that would be an abuse of his position). This has nothing at all to do with you as an individual -- I'm sure he has responded in exactly the same way to other patients ... though sadly it sounds like he expresses it in a really insensitive way.