Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by darkrider, Mar 3, 2009.
I can relate. I'm diagnosed with dissociative disorder NOS among other things. On my list I have high functioning autism, ptsd, and dd-nos.
I believe though that my dissociative disorder is because of the ptsd and goes with it. I don't think they are really seperate for me.
I'm sure being autistic also keeps me feeling seperate in a way from the rest of the world.
My feelings aren't identical to yours but some are similar.
I have a lot of numb feelings and feelings of going through the motions without a lot motive or passion. I just feel like I guess I obviously am here but... not like everyone else.
I feel weird that my reply doesn't fit now that you've edited your original post... sorry! :unsure:
sorry ill post it again. I don't think i can do justice with my explanations.
A while back I came to realise through my life i've had what they call 'depersonalization' and 'derealisation'. I've always felt i'm going through the motions without experiencing anything much. I've never really connected truely with anyone, I don't feel I have an identity. I know that people don't really know how to take me, I was joked as being the quiet one by adults and teachers. It feels like the plug is removed from the socket. I used to be around people when I was younger and not utter a single word, I just didn't feel the need really. I have to try and make the effort now otherwise i'll be perceived as a complete wierdo. These days everything seems quite drab and boring. I wish I could have a total change to see if these feelings are real but other issues prevent me in doing that.
I think I developed depression not only because the world seem drab through the eyes of a loner but because presumed responsibility is placed on me and society tries to mould me. I'm not allowed to become my own, I have to fit in with the system one way or another to survive. This is a slow transition and every day I get the same feelings of anxiety and fear.