dissociative self injury.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by elleanne, Sep 20, 2009.

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  1. elleanne

    elleanne Well-Known Member

    I have self injured from childhood (28now). 90% of the time, I am dissociated when I do it, so have no choice / control of it. The other 10% is just pathetic; done out of frustration/anger (at myself). I really don`t care about it. Wtf does everyone else? I am ugly, always was, always will be. Scars are ugly, but it`s not like they`ve made me any more freakish than I was in the first place.
    "Have you cut?" "Have you burned?" "You really should go to a+e every time you cut deep enough to need stitches"....... are statements I am sick of hearing from professionals.
    This is a very minor problem, in comparison to the rest. I self injure 3-4 times a day. This has been the case for the last 5ish years (and is a marked reduction). No-one else has to see it (bonuses of being an ugly freak; no one sees me, except my shrink every few months, gp every few months and two family members a couple of hrs a month). I have given up being freaked out about being so out of it that I cut /burn with absolutely no awareness.
    Maybe "we could try something else to stop the dissociation" would be a more helpful way for the `professionals` to work.
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Wow. I am so sorry :(
    You cut 3-4 times a day but only see a shrink once every couple months? Is it possible to go more? Sounds like you need more help than you're receiving and you're aware of that.
    I don't self harm but I do dissociate quite a bit. Again it sounds like you've tried to do it on your own quite a bit but maybe you need to see someone more often or see someone else if the person you're seeing now isn't helping you... which it sounds like they aren't.
    Sending you lots of love :wub: :heart: :hug:
  3. elleanne

    elleanne Well-Known Member

    Yes, she said there`s not much she can do, since I`m on the waiting list for psychotherapy(have been since Jan this year).I saw her on 7th Sept, and got an appointment for 5th Jan, next year. I also see a counsellor at rape crisis who`s lovely(my psych said it is just setting myself up for failure ). I seriously don`t care about the self injury. I would like to know why I do it, though so I would have choice. But, hey.
  4. elleanne

    elleanne Well-Known Member

    no, got a letter this morning. my next app with the psych is 18th Jan instead due to `unforseen circumstances`. What I`m trying to say is...since stopping SI is not my (or her) primary concern, maybe it would be an idea to look into how/why I dissociate, stop the dissociation, then the cutting would be down by 90%+. Then her interesting little case study (aka me) could be a success story for her to lecture other patients about.
  5. My_eyes_lie

    My_eyes_lie Well-Known Member

    They do need to find out WHY you're dissociating. I'm actually worried that's not their primary concern. I have cut when I have dissociated. It's a terribile thing to wake up to. And I wish you could receive more care :-/
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