Distractions not working?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Daydreams, Oct 20, 2009.

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  1. Daydreams

    Daydreams Well-Known Member

    Does anyone else find they get so enraged with themselves they just cannot refrain from self harming? No matter the distractions you find to occupy yourself it just builds up and explodes into a freezy of violence?

    or is that just me?
     
  2. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    I find my self in that position all the time it seems.
    Sometimes no matter what I try and do to avoid it, I just can't keep suppressing the anger and I end up going overboard.

    I'm sure there are lots of others who go through the same things =/
     
  3. Daydreams

    Daydreams Well-Known Member

    erg, just wish there was a way to avoid it :mellow:
     
  4. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    Same here-
    But I gotta say nothing makes me feel better faster than taking it out on myself. And I have tried all sorts of things to try and make myself forget my feelings. Writing, painting, drawing, running, starting up random nonsense projects.

    Sometimes it just isn't enough. I was thinking, though, about getting a punching bag. I'm sure that would help safely release some of the build up-
     
  5. Daydreams

    Daydreams Well-Known Member

    Thats not a bad idea actually.

    And I find I cannot refrain from beating myself up either, even when I stopped cutting I still found other ways to hurt myself x..x, kinda messed up now that I think about it, that this loathing I have for myself (I dunno really what else it must) is so severe... hmm...

    what about cooking ? you get to cut things, burn things and once your done you can eat it !
     
  6. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    You know, I have actually found that baking of all things has helped me in the past haha. It completely took my concentration and helped me process everything without the threat of turning on myself.

    I know what you mean about finding "other ways". About a month or so ago I got so angry with myself I just started hitting- I too think my issues with self-harm stem from my terrible self-image >_<

    I really hate pretty much everything about me so it only makes sense that I would end up taking my anger out on yours truly =/

    Cooking is a really good idea though- I think I may try it sometimes soon. See how it goes and work from there xP
     
  7. Daydreams

    Daydreams Well-Known Member

    Yer, baking worked for me, now I don't have money to buy the ingredients for the things I like to make... kinda lame lol.

    And I dunno why I seem to hate myself so much, everyone else seems content but... I kinda see myself as being a dead end and so pointless, I dont think I'm capable of doing anything worth while and it kills me (in a non literal sense) :blink: I dunno... I suppose I fail to see a point to me, that pretty much sums it up.
     
  8. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    I tend to see myself as a failure more often then not. I mean I'm the oldest of five and I'm the biggest mess and the least productive... I totally understand not seeing a point in oneself- I feel that way sometimes too =/

    I also feel like I'm not "capable". And we can't for get those wonderful feelings of worthlessness -____-

    I mean I used to think I was a half decent person but after dealing with people and relationships and disappointment I just decided that I must be the problem.

    All in all it just leads to me hating myself =/

    I have like two friendships because after so many people leave you in the dust you tend to learn that relationships=pain at some point or another. How do you fair as far as relationships go? Do you feel like your self-image effects your ability to make and or keep friends? =o
     
  9. Daydreams

    Daydreams Well-Known Member

    Yes, I agree with you there, the more I 'live' (if this zobiefied existance could be considered living) I find the more I dislike people...

    The more I start to see the things within each of them I don't like. Which is odd because I am a firm believer that there is something about everyone that makes them a worth while human, I think my sudden dislike stems from my own loathing towards myself because no matter the good things others claim they see in me, I dont see them.

    As for relationships... I find they nearly always fail. I know it is my fault though, as I often inadvertantly push people away. I was engaged but I broke it off because I couldn't bring myself to drag someone down with me and he deserved so much better. I have a bf now but its a shallow relationship and is fading fast...

    With friends, I can't claim to really have any. I use to have 4 close friends... one let me down in a big way, another betrayed me and the other two just faded away... I get lonely sometimes and that only makes it worse but I have no one to blame but myself...
     
  10. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    I too used to believe that there had to be some good in each individual person- something that made them worth it. But as the years have passed all the people who were once close to me are gone.
    I have my best friend who is the only person I have every been able to be myself around- but funny enough we had a huge falling out over the summer and I think we still don't truly forgive each other about things that were said.

    I'm sorry to hear about the broken engagement. I can certainly understand your feelings towards it though. I know for me it's hard to commit when I don't even remotely like who I'm giving them if that makes sense xP

    I also find that all relationships tend to fall apart sooner or later. At the moment I'm struggling with whether or not I should even continue interacting with people. It must be me that drives everyone away- at least that's the conclusion I've come to =/

    It's hard because I find I get so incredibly lonely at times, but I can't stand people so it almost should cancel itself out in a twisted round about way. I donno, it's all very confusing at the moment >__<
     
  11. Daydreams

    Daydreams Well-Known Member

    Yep, that confusing is very annoying.

    I like spending time with people, I'm a social person by nature but lately I cannot stand the close proximity of people. I feel sick every time I leave the house and I don't know why, its getting a bit beyond stupid but I don't know what to do about it.

    Have you spoken to your friend? Just said everything thats on your mind about the situation, I find that helps me as often people don't understand whats been said or what the other person feels. Sucky thing about not being able to read minds right ?
     
  12. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    I too have recently found that interaction with people has become really difficult. It's funny cause I used to have lots of friends and I did all kinds of social things- but now that I've recognized the pattern of disappointment I just don't see the point =/

    We've talked about it a few times. It's just he's a guy and has trouble dealing with his emotions and feelings. Mostly he just pushes them aside. It's a bit of a tricky situation, but we've mostly cleared it up.
     
  13. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Hey sorry to here your having problems with the urges. Have you tried to learn a musical instrument?? When i get urges i switch on my synthesiser and make some tunes
     
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