Ditched... again :/

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by BEE ENN, Dec 4, 2013.

  1. BEE ENN

    BEE ENN Active Member

    Well, It's been a while since I posted here.... I decided to take some time out as things on chat were getting a bit dramatic and it was making me feel worse. I'll pop back in some time and see how that is these days.

    Anyway, reason for coming back and making this post is I feel like absolute shit.

    I can't seem to make a relationship last more than a few months.

    My last girlfriend had a lot of mental issues, I*knew this before getting with her, but thought I could help her.... turns out I couldn't. I tried my best :(

    We met up and I booked a family hotel room so we could have seperate beds if need be. She didn't want me to go to hers just yet which is fair enough. Anyway, we ended up -you know- on the first night. It was great, we cuddled up and all sorts afterwards and all was well. This happened a few weekends actually before I got to go to her flat eventually.

    I saw why she didn't want me to go there, and we worked together to sort the place out. I think she appreciated this but also felt bad for "making me do it" no matter how much I said it was my decision to offer.

    Anyway, one night the condom split and I froze in my tracks. That basically put me off sex for the rest of the night.

    Luckily for me, we were fine, she told me she got the morning after pill, and I'm pretty confident she did, but there was a lot of head-mess-ups until she came on again :|

    Now, while all this happened, I tried my best, I lent her money (which she's still paying me back even though we have split up now) and bought her things to try and help her get back on her feet. Treated her to meals out and topped up her gas and electricity (she went ape shit at me for putting loads on)... however, I was out with my friends on pre-booked weekends (before I got with her), which she knew I had booked before getting with her.

    Now most might think "why not invite her?" easier said than done really. I'd arranged for her to come out with me and my best mate one of the weekends but we didn't last until then. Money down the drain there but oh well...

    eventually it came about that she wanted a baby. We had only been together a matter of months, 3 maybe?, and I wasn't ready at all for that. It's torn us apart, we parted ways and remained friends, but she started being really bitchy with me even when I was offering to help with things. A kid is all well and good but not this soon. She has a child in care already, which is difficult for her, so obviously that also played on my mind. We hadn't moved in together yet or anything, it felt like things were going too quickly.

    She says she doesn't have long to have a child according to her doctor so I asked her to book us both in an appointment and we'd look at our options, but that never happened :/

    Eventually we parted ways as I said I don't want to be the one to crush her dreams and stuff, sometimes you have to go away from the one you love to let them follow their dreams.

    She now seems to have turned off all feelings completely, and be a bitch whenever she can to me, so we don't talk as I've already said.

    Going round in circles with my post now, not really sure what to do. My head is a mess but I can't have a child with all the risks involved, plus my parents would murder me anyway, and it just hasn't been long enough.

    I've come to the conclusion now that I don't want kids at all, but the problem is most girls want kids so I am in a no win situation.

    Have I done the right thing by letting her go?

    Oh and she has found a "sperm donor" already apparently, it only took about 2 weeks after we broke it off :/

    Not gonna lie, the sex was amazing, but that's not even half of a relationship to me, so I just couldn't go any further with it and leading someone on is so wrong.

    Have I done the right thing?

    What would you have done?

    Where do I go from here?

    Why is it so hard to find someone to be with who doesn't want kids?

    Don't even know what I'm looking for to be honest by posting here but at least it's out I suppose.

    Forgot to say I have started drinking more than usual which I know isn't good but it seems to help
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 4, 2013
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You did the right thing- you were both looking for different things out of the relationship and the thing she was looking for is not a compromise that should be made without 100% commitment. Do not let this put you off - there is no down side to being a responsible and decent person.
  3. BEE ENN

    BEE ENN Active Member

    Thank you for your kind words. I can't help feeling I've been taken advantage of in some ways money wise, even though she's paying me (some) back. It wouldn't be the first time. I never have any luck :(
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    That does suck but far better than 18 years of child support for something you do not want ... I hope things turn out well for you- you seem a very decent person and I do actually believe they will turn out well eventually.
  5. BEE ENN

    BEE ENN Active Member

    I hope they do in the end but I feel pretty worthless right now. I hate this time of year, things always go tits up for me around sept-jan :/ making me really hate even christmas, which is stupid but meh.

    Feel like a bit of a man ***** having been with 5 females and I'm only in my early 20s, but it's not that, I just can't seem to make anything last