Best face forward…Just do it…Stiff upper lip…
Yup, I’ve worn a facade at times. For example, I don’t go to a social gathering to dwell on my personal issues and share them with all the people I see there. I have a quiet, “polite, friendly mask” — “I’m doing all right thanks. What is new with you?” My facade is that I deflect to the other person’s life rather than focus on myself. I’ve found that if I let myself do things without being immersed in my depression, I might be distracted for a while and even have something of a decent time. A temporary facade seems to be a social norm in some situations.
I think there can be reasons for maintaining “boundaries” around self-disclosure…who, when, how much we share of our issues. For example, at a wedding reception, I wouldn’t go around moaning, “Being single makes me feel so depressed, I’m never ever going to meet anyone, life is just awful and lonely.” Wrong place, time, situation. Weddings are celebrations for the couple, not
support sessions for me.
Never being able to tell your family you are depressed can be hard and hurtful. Ruminating on your troubles all the time with family/friends can drain them. (That’s one reason to have a therapist. Also a reason to share on SF.) Telling everyone
you meet — your friends, your boss, store clerks, and the stranger next to you on the bus— that you are suicidal probably means you need to be in immediate professional care. A short term facade for the right reasons and when you have other people and appropriate times to share your feelings (e.g., in therapy, with a close friend who asks how you are managing, your family if they understand mental illness and can be compassionate) can be a tool we use to manage our feelings.
A facade is not something to hide behind 100% of the time, imo. If we need a facade 100% of the time, we likely need more support than we currently have, and a doctor/therapist might need to be consulted for support and to help us find additional supports.
Just my two cents.