Do any of you put up a facade? By facade, I mean putting up an Outward appearance in order to hide an Unpleasant reality. For many of us here, our facade is hiding a depressive state by putting up a cheerful appearance. Do your friends or acquaintances expect you to act or behave in a certain way even though you don't feel like it at all?
Ideas & Opinions Do any of you put up a Facade?
- Thread starter Winslow
- Start date
I don't put up a facade generally - what you see is what you get. I'm honest about who I am and how I'm feeling most of the time, though in my younger years for sure - I'd put up any facade I could that would protect me, gain admiration or acceptance, or love. The exception nowadays is with my family, as they just wouldn't get who I really am in a million years, it's like we're from different planets and talk different languages, so I generally act as if I am from the same planet as them. In recent times I've learned it doesn't help to be honest and vulnerable and ask for help if I am struggling with my mental health, it's much easier to put up a facade than make myself vulnerable and feel worse.
Best face forward…Just do it…Stiff upper lip…
Yup, I’ve worn a facade at times. For example, I don’t go to a social gathering to dwell on my personal issues and share them with all the people I see there. I have a quiet, “polite, friendly mask” — “I’m doing all right thanks. What is new with you?” My facade is that I deflect to the other person’s life rather than focus on myself. I’ve found that if I let myself do things without being immersed in my depression, I might be distracted for a while and even have something of a decent time. A temporary facade seems to be a social norm in some situations.
I think there can be reasons for maintaining “boundaries” around self-disclosure…who, when, how much we share of our issues. For example, at a wedding reception, I wouldn’t go around moaning, “Being single makes me feel so depressed, I’m never ever going to meet anyone, life is just awful and lonely.” Wrong place, time, situation. Weddings are celebrations for the couple, not support sessions for me.
Never being able to tell your family you are depressed can be hard and hurtful. Ruminating on your troubles all the time with family/friends can drain them. (That’s one reason to have a therapist. Also a reason to share on SF.) Telling everyone you meet — your friends, your boss, store clerks, and the stranger next to you on the bus— that you are suicidal probably means you need to be in immediate professional care. A short term facade for the right reasons and when you have other people and appropriate times to share your feelings (e.g., in therapy, with a close friend who asks how you are managing, your family if they understand mental illness and can be compassionate) can be a tool we use to manage our feelings.
A facade is not something to hide behind 100% of the time, imo. If we need a facade 100% of the time, we likely need more support than we currently have, and a doctor/therapist might need to be consulted for support and to help us find additional supports.
Just my two cents.
Yup, I’ve worn a facade at times. For example, I don’t go to a social gathering to dwell on my personal issues and share them with all the people I see there. I have a quiet, “polite, friendly mask” — “I’m doing all right thanks. What is new with you?” My facade is that I deflect to the other person’s life rather than focus on myself. I’ve found that if I let myself do things without being immersed in my depression, I might be distracted for a while and even have something of a decent time. A temporary facade seems to be a social norm in some situations.
I think there can be reasons for maintaining “boundaries” around self-disclosure…who, when, how much we share of our issues. For example, at a wedding reception, I wouldn’t go around moaning, “Being single makes me feel so depressed, I’m never ever going to meet anyone, life is just awful and lonely.” Wrong place, time, situation. Weddings are celebrations for the couple, not support sessions for me.
Never being able to tell your family you are depressed can be hard and hurtful. Ruminating on your troubles all the time with family/friends can drain them. (That’s one reason to have a therapist. Also a reason to share on SF.) Telling everyone you meet — your friends, your boss, store clerks, and the stranger next to you on the bus— that you are suicidal probably means you need to be in immediate professional care. A short term facade for the right reasons and when you have other people and appropriate times to share your feelings (e.g., in therapy, with a close friend who asks how you are managing, your family if they understand mental illness and can be compassionate) can be a tool we use to manage our feelings.
A facade is not something to hide behind 100% of the time, imo. If we need a facade 100% of the time, we likely need more support than we currently have, and a doctor/therapist might need to be consulted for support and to help us find additional supports.
Just my two cents.
Yea done this all my life going back to being young and have a drunk for a father and having him come home at night and the massive arguments and fights that I had to overhear it destroyed my confidence and and gave me a nervous problem I have lived with ever since and turned me into a guy who is emotional shy scared of just about everything especially people who nervous psyhically will mess me up if I have a worry about something I have missed out on jobs and other stuff because of it
So I did not do with any idea of doing it but since I was kid I put on a happy out going facade and played the fool to fit in with groups of people I was with because I know the real me they would not want anything to do with I only let the real me out so to speak when I was home or alone in the end acting the fool to fit in got me to doing things I should not have and its why I cut my friends off and really life a solitary life now
I now get I was suffering a form of depression as far back as being a small kid that I never got help for maybe my issues now would not have been so bad if I had
one last thing I will say I used my facade to protect myself to a large extent it does not work you can still get hurt and I did a lot
So I did not do with any idea of doing it but since I was kid I put on a happy out going facade and played the fool to fit in with groups of people I was with because I know the real me they would not want anything to do with I only let the real me out so to speak when I was home or alone in the end acting the fool to fit in got me to doing things I should not have and its why I cut my friends off and really life a solitary life now
I now get I was suffering a form of depression as far back as being a small kid that I never got help for maybe my issues now would not have been so bad if I had
one last thing I will say I used my facade to protect myself to a large extent it does not work you can still get hurt and I did a lot
LOL