Do anyone remember me? (AuronT)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AuronT, Nov 15, 2006.

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  1. AuronT

    AuronT Well-Known Member

    Hi

    I know I said I'd never be back because certain people here made more or less fun of my feelings, said I wasn't "serious" or whatever. Well, fuck those, I'm too tired to care anymore.

    Want to hear what happened to me while I was gone? Good.

    Life has gone up and down. I wanted to be very sad all the time if you remember, I liked it. Now I know why I liked it so damn much, I didn't know what I had. I've been addicted to World of Warcraft (MMORPG) since the beginning of June. I've played almost every day, I am on every raid there is in my current guild, I'm very popular BUT in the so called real life.. I have nothing left. I've lost contact with my friends, we hardly ever talk. My so called best friends hardly talks to me, she's with all her new friends all the time, another friend just talk to me if I call her, same goes for another. They hardly know who I am anymore.. I hardly know who I am.

    School have become hell. I thought there wasn't any bullying on High Schools. According to everyone I know people are mature at that age and don't bully others even though they talk shit a lot. Sure, I believed it but damn was I wrong!
    I'm not an easy going person, I take everything in that I hear and tell it to myself over and over. Lately most of my or what I thought was my friends have said to everyone I'm addicted to World of Warcraft, I told em' it's not true but they just kept telling me the first stage of addiction is ignorance. So what did I do? I wrote "I'm not addicted" a thousand times in my math book and guess what? Another guy in class saw it,he took the book, waved it to everyone else and screamed out load what it said and everyone just laughed. I've never felt so humiliated, not even when I was bullied in Junior High. Later I thought that maybe this was just a one-time-thing but nope, when i got to school this morning everyone stared as me as If I was a freak or something. I know they wanted to hurt me.
    Later the same day when I was about to go home a guy told me not to play World of Warcraft too much, it's not good for my health and addiction isn't good either, all I did was show him the finger and keep walking but deep inside I was more or less screaming for help. If I still had tears I would have shed them by now.

    I'm once again the victim, bullied in school. According to my "made-up-friend" in school I'm just selfish. We aren't really friends even, we just stay with each other because we know that we have no one else to be with.

    I havn't started cutting.. YET, but I sure do want to. I want to end it all, I want to jump in front of a bus on the highway. Whatever just to make it stop. I won't get a job anyway, I got bad grades, to whoever who discussed short people, I'll give you company on Mc'Donalds because that's where I'll end up too.

    In any way, I've had enough.
     
  2. Xian

    Xian Well-Known Member

    I remember you, and I'm almost never on here...

    I don't think you should let these people bother you so much, and don't feel like you owe them the satisfaction of someone to make fun of. I think that you may've carved out a niche as their scapegoat for whatever reason.
    If you were dead, believe me, they'd be sorry and feel guilty, but that's not what any of us, including you, really want to happen.

    Feel better,

    :hug:
     
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