Do confident women scare you?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by plates, Sep 22, 2010.

  1. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I'm curious. After reading a few threads here, it seems that women who are submissive, casual, cute, quiet have no voice of their own and hide themselves, pander to the lowest common denominator, feel grateful at being treated like shit, will not receive any abuse or insults.
  2. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    I also would like to know this!
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    great sam! I few women I knew also said this to me when I asked them :smile:
  4. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    To me it makes no sense but id like to hear some guy views!
  5. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Confident women have never scared me. A woman that shows confidence is one that is likely very comfortable with who they are and don't want to change that. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact I prefer a woman with confidence.
  6. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    :hug: I agree.

    It could be purely a case of people's self esteem and insecurities; that said, even at my lowest, I can't say I displayed the hate/vengeance that I've received from many in the past couple of years as I've been recovering.

    I too, prefer talking to confident men and women who honour, respect and love themselves, have some insight or are developing it. Because from my experience they don't treat others so abhorrently. I talked about this with my sister too. And she doesn't get it either...but has come to a similar conclusion.
  7. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Confident women are the best kind. It's a good question though and I can't say I can really answer it well. The way I see it, the insecure guy will get abuse for being the way he is because that isn't how he is supposed to be. Guys are normally thought of as the one that comes up and says hello, whereas girls don't really have that label on them yet. They won't be criticized because there isn't a lot of emphasis on girls being confident in the first place. I mean it's definitely great when it happens but I think it's seen as more of a bonus than a requirement. I won't include cute girls because they can pretty much be however they want and not be criticized, at least not by men.

    That being said, I personally am not a fan of the meek girl and I know a lot of guys that don't like it either because believe it or not it does get annoying eventually. But in the right hands confidence can be scary too i.e. those girls that wear six pounds of makeup every time they go out and weigh more than a small house but say you're shallow for not liking a woman with 'curves' or who is 'comfortable with herself'.
  8. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Confident women do scare me. Alot (not all) of the very confident people tend to be also self centered.
  9. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I've found that any guy with a social anxiety will naturally feel uncomfortable and be intimidated around a confident woman.
    It's the same with girls though, you know?

    Sensing that a woman is SO confident makes me sink lower when I'm around them ~ the 'I don't give a shit what people think! I'm amazing!' vibe is so dense that it makes me wanna jump infront of a train for even thinking for a moment that I'm a little bit okay with myself because I'm still not match.

    Does it make sense?
    In my head it does...
  10. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Yes, it makes sense. I also feel the same way. Nothing makes me feel smaller then the presense of a confident woman (and man too). I shrink into a pathetic miserable excuse for a human. I make myself sick.
  11. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    I'm attracted to confident women, though I've had to learn the difference between real confidence and insecurities masked by arrogance. I'd hate to be with a woman who just did everything I said and never stood up to me, that's not an equal relationship. My best friend is one of those genuinely confident women, which is why I like her so much. I have a lot of anxiety about social situations and she helps bring me out of my shell.
  12. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies :)

    Just a few questions though:

    When it comes to approaching someone you like, which is what you're saying- and I can only talk from my experience being outside of things mostly- I see where you're coming from. I don't think that has to do with confidence though- because an insecure, anxious person can do exactly that by putting on a mask, or "playing the game," as so many do.

    What's the difference between "cute" and "confident" for you?
    And what does a confidence mean to you, is it to do with being assertive in the situation you describe, or to do with wearing loads of make up and being happy in one's body, regardless of shape and size? Or something else? When it comes to attraction, that's purely up to you- I wouldn't say you're shallow for not liking look of the woman you describe but that people have different preferences.

    I used to have social anxiety and from where I stood many people with/without "social anxiety" were insecure, fearful or arrogant which was masked as 'confidence.' The few people who I could see had a deep, intrinsic confidence were people I tended to feel comfortable with and TBH they were usually very enthusiastic tutors..

    That sounds horrible- those women hurt you so much and I used to feel a bit similar when I had an eating disorder and severe body dysmorphia- but on the other hand, I've been bullied/harrassed/tormented by a hell of a lot of people with social anxiety and other MH problems WHILE I was ill- and during my recovery, and I think this is exactly what might be going on for them. I couldn't ever see what they saw though- but maybe they could see my confidence at the time, that I couldn't see? :dunno:

    Where I stand, if I was around such a woman, I'd wish all the best for her and want to celebrate! Because to me, that is a cause for celebration, especially if I knew her joy was from getting where she was from her own personal journey of hell/death and her love for herself was completely warranted after years of self-punishment. :smile:

    I know I asked this before but what is confidence to you? Because I realise many people see it differently- like Reki as an example. Is it to do with not caring what others think?

    And do you think you feel that way because you care too much what others think, and feel trapped? You don't have to answer if you're not comfortable, but I'm curious.

    Yeah I agree, we sound similar and I know what you mean about the insecurites masked by arrogance- that is exactly what I mean about the bullying/abuse I've had. I mean, I can't say I'm at ease in every social situation but that's where my confidence lies- it's knowing myself, self belief and self acceptance. I've been told a lot when I was younger I had a 'quiet confidence' and from where I stand, that's never been lost but I've become less willing to shut up/ or make myself physically unappealing for whatever reason- and doing the complete opposite and enjoying what I see/hear.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 24, 2010
  13. whoaaxxsamm

    whoaaxxsamm Well-Known Member

    Confident women do scare me because men are usually attracted to women with a certain amount of confidence.
    I have none.
    I think I am scared of all women in general because I believe they are all better than me.
    (I am a woman.)
  14. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    This thread confuses me.. maybe I'm reading the replies wrong but it just sounds like people are saying confident people are great and submissive/meek, shy people are bad? If anything, it's the confident people that will treat the rest of us like shit and the shy, meek people who will identify better with the toils that others go through.. it's the confident, self-centered people who bully the others into being submissive and meek. I don't understand what's so great about them and what's so annoying or wrong about people who don't have the confidence or courage to speak up for themselves? From what I've seen a lot of people here fall into the latter category and reading what people say about confident people being so much better has certainly just made me feel like an undesirable, 'annoying' and bad person for being so shy and submissive which is apparently a bad thing to be. But then again this whole thread has confused me like hell so I really don't understand if I'm reading everything backwards or not.

    In response to the title - yes, they do kind of. It depends how they carry themself mostly, but more than anything they just make me feel insecure and weak in comparison.
  15. SuicidalAgain

    SuicidalAgain Well-Known Member

    I'm all for confidence, except when that confidence comes from their workaholism. I try to avoid workaholics. It's just that the most confident woman that I know is a workaholic, so...
  16. SCUK2009

    SCUK2009 Well-Known Member

    Confident women scare me in a kind of ''she's out of my league'' way. I find confidence in a woman sexy though.
  17. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Thanks whoaaxxsamm, SuicidalAgain, SCUK2009 for sharing your thoughts.

    I'm not saying that. I can't speak for others but as a person who is confident, recovered from a life threatening eating disorder and has healthy self esteem; I've been bullied and abused by people who have low self esteem and/or feel threatened by me for whatever reason during, before and after my recovery.

    People who bully others are not confident. They are very scared and have low self esteem. Confidence does not mean bullying.

    I can't speak for 'them' because the confidence you're alluding to is different from what I am saying.

    There is nothing wrong with being shy, and unsure of yourself. I'm shy in some circumstances. I have severe anxiety at times. That doesn't mean I'm not confident and sure of myself.

    As for your question; when people don't stand up for themselves, there's more risk of people getting hurt within that group as well as individuals who challenge them outside- and rather than having more control over one's life, more power goes to an unchallenged group dynamic.

    I'm not sure if I've cleared up or worsened your confusion, but if you want to talk more feel free to PM. This thread was in no way meant to make people feel bad or undesirable. :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 24, 2010
  18. IAD121212

    IAD121212 Well-Known Member

    I would love to post my opinion on this subject but it might upset someone. So I won't.
  19. Montage

    Montage Well-Known Member

    alot of times too... people who act confident are the ones that have the most insecurities... you never know how a person is really feeling inside... just a thought...
  20. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Yes. I agree, thanks for sharing!