Do guys like being pursued?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by yous, Sep 26, 2012.

  1. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    So I met this wonderful guy, and we hit it off right away - meaning we had a mutual attraction.

    He thought I was years younger than him, but I had to tell him I was older than him because he seemed so set on having a relationship with someone and I couldn't just live a lie. I tested him a bit to see his answers and he was not okay with dating an older woman. Still, I felt if I didn't say anything, and we were to get serious it would only make matters worse later. So I told him and he dumped me.

    I did offer a few meets just as friends and he did reply to the offers I made by claiming he was too busy "but it was not me". He is really set on finding the girl of his dreams, I know this, and have come to accept it - I rather have him in my life than not at all - and I do feel if he wasn't so determined on finding his wife, we would go out and be friends. I do not know if it's all that easy for guys to just toss girls they like aside.

    My question is, do guys like being pursued by girls they don't really care too much about, but liked a lot if all the conditions were met? Also how do you guys feel about a girl you did like, but was looking for someone better to come along? Would you still talk to her and get together with her just as friends? Is this even a good idea??

    Help me out, I don't feel I am being pathetic. I mean didn't stalk him day and night. This was over a 3 week period. But good people especially ones that like each other are hard to come by!
  2. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    I can't speak for the guys, but I have yet to come across a man who doesn't absolutely love being admired and desired by women of all types, at all levels of "like," and for any purposes...
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I personally don't feel that age differences mean anything in a relationship, but for some people it does. If he is not interested, move on.
  4. Syn

    Syn Well-Known Member

    I can't speak for most guy seeing as I view things differently than most, but I don't like it when a girl I have no interest in is pursuing me. (Or at least I wouldn't if there was a girl who had an interest in me) Reason being, I'd hate to have to turn them down, I know what rejection feels like and I'd rather not subject anyone else to that. I'd rather make it clear to them subtly that were just friends as soon as I noticed she was pursuing me.

    If a girl I liked was waiting for someone better to come along, I'd still try to be friends with them of course, I mean if I liked them then obviously I enjoyed their company so why would I not want to still be around them? The thing is though, in order to remain friends, both people would have to want to stay friends. It doesn't work if only one person wants to be friends while the other does not.

    Hope that helps, and sorry to hear you got dumped for something as silly as age.
  5. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Personally speaking, when talking in a sexual-relationship way, I do not particularly enjoy being 'pursued' (for lack of a better word) if I am not interested in her that way; but if it is simply as two friends over a coffee or what have you, then I rather welcome the invitation and fun of 'hanging out', 'kicking the breeze.'
  6. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    Apparently from what all of you are saying is that the guy I'm currently pursuing has no interest in me whatsoever or he would be with me irregardless of friendship or romantic interests. He turned me down twice claiming he was "busy".

    Is there anyway to win a guy's attention back? Or once you guys make a decision it can't be changed.

    I didn't do anything wrong and he doesn't completely dislike me but he sorta put me out of his mind since we didn't make a point to meet again. I have been offering but he's turning them down. I don't know if this is the same with girls, but do guys give up easily or get bored easily and never feel like pursuing a girl back? I mean at what point does the desire loose interest and remain loss of interest?
    Sorry just trying to make sense of it all. I never like to forget the people I like. In fact I keep wondering about them and ask how they are. But do guys even think about this?

  7. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Why do you want to be friends with this douchebag? Some people after an attraction and rejection has happened can't be friends because they want to move on to spend their time and energy on someone they actually want. If he's not reciprocating your desperation to still be with him then move on and leave him alone. Don't make a fool of yourself chasing the attention of a man who doesn't want you. Find a real man who isn't intimidated by women past his age.
  8. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    Good point Prinnctopher. It's just that I am getting older and older as we all are. And for a woman getting older, the likely chances of finding anyone to commit or have a family with is almost 0. We live in a society where if a guy wants kids, the age makes that difference.

    I have done many searches and went to every bar, speed dating, friends hook up, community, online dating, etc. It took me 3 years to find 1 person who strung me along in an abusive relationship because I wanted badly to be in a relationship but never could, so I let him treat me poorly. Now after 3 years I came again to only finally find this guy and for him to dump me on age reasons alone.

    It's not easy for me. I've never been in a relationship at all before. I spent my 20's on career and being in a rural setting but never really having anyone to date. So meeting guys my age, they are far more experienced, have been there done that (been divorced or married several times), have kids, don't keep up themselves, etc.

    I don't know what else to do but to try to at least be friends with all the guys I meet who don't give a crock on me. It's better than being alone. I haven't found a man yet who I can freely be all out myself. To be willing to know all there is about me.

    It's been so difficult, and especially with this guy dumping me for age - he made me feel so absolutely hopeless in life. Like I have no reason to live anymore because I was so old essentially. I mean I passed for a 25 year old and he thought I was 21 when in fact I'm double that. Yet some guys seemed to be so fixed on their set of rules and sometimes I don't even believe he follows his own rules for his ideal woman entirely.

    I feel I don't have any years left, and I'm getting tired and depressed. I've thoughts of suicide and tried everything to make me happy about this.

    But anyway, thank you all for letting me vent about this. I know there was nothing I could do from the beginning. But just wanted to hear another guys' opinions.
  9. ksmith86

    ksmith86 Well-Known Member

    You're 42???? Man I'm 25, I would LOVE an experienced older woman to play with ;) Especially if she passes for 25 (bonus points if she can support me financially). Have you tried going for much younger guys and just being upfront about your age?

    Also yes, I love being pursued. As a matter of fact there was one girl who I had very little interest in... she was kind of awkward looking. Bad kisser, bad breath. But sweet as hell and she thought the WORLD of me. That made me like her. Not enough to date her seriously! But I came pretty close. Wish all women were like that.

    Oh and as far as "winning his attention back"... use sex, and come off as non-threatening. He'd probably be interested in a casual sexual relationship with you if he didn't think that you'd freak and out cause drama for him. Even if he wasn't that interested in you. If you can make him believe you don't care about getting serious with him, and make sex readily available, that can get you back in the door. But it'd probably only be temporary.

    IF you can get him to be dependent on you somehow (emotionally, sexually, or by changing his lifestyle) then you can leave him. Get really short tempered with him and make him feel like anything he says could cause you to run away at any minute. He'll get hit by the whole "wanting what you cant have" thing... which could make him crazy about you. Of course that's a TON of work and I doubt you're up to the task if you aren't that way naturally anyways. Plus you'll tear yourself up emotionally along the way. Not recommended!
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 27, 2012