Do Hearts Decompose?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Forgotten_Man, Nov 15, 2012.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    So while avoiding my roommate I have nothing to do so I let my mind wander. It wanders back to my thoughts and feelings about females, and how I felt back when I first lost my now ex.

    I think back to those days when it first happened. I was crushed nothing could make me happy. I missed every aspect of what we had. You know conversation, random adventures, addicting her to anime and video games, intimacy. You know every small detail of the relationship. As time went on, I would say no more than 6 months, I started to only miss the physical. Namely sex, but I did miss the cuddling and hugging as long as it lead up to sex. Then another 6 or so months passed. Now I see no point in giving females who the time of day if I am not having sex with them. I really do not see any point to even seeing them, in a casual social setting, if sex is not involved.

    So this leads me to believe that not only did my heart break, but it has been decomposing. I cannot say for sure if I am just depressed or not. Seeing as how I have barely even spoken to females since the relationship ended. However, it does feel like my heart has decomposed and is never going to be fixed.

    Thoughts, opinions.... other?
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Sex, or more specifically sex drive, is a physical biological imprinted into the DNA of every animal on Earth and of course people as well. Hormones and genetic imprint make it a physical need/desire. Relationships, courting come about because of that need. Not to sound rude, but I was watching a show on national geographic about animals and it was specifically going over the courting rituals of some animals showing how this bird sings for hours to attract a female, and this lizard does a dance thing while the female watches and then the female decides based on the singing and dancing if they will mate. Mt mind instantly went to the idea wouldn't the male birds really prefer not to do the song and dance and just skip to the end? I guess my point is it seems like the most reasonable thing in the world you are saying. That being said, even though you do not feel inclined to go out and do that song and dance routine every day hoping to attract attention, sometimes we talk to just the right one, the one that catches our eye and smiles or says something funny and cute. Then it seems worth a little bit of the song and dance to try. When it happens to work (typically not every time by quite some distance) it suddenly seems like that was not work but fun. We may even be inclined to do it again again and again for the payoff. After so many times in a guys mind we have already shown we can do the song and dance so we do not want to do the whole thing, maybe just the first verse today...until we decide we would rather just skip it entirely. This is ignoring the fact that females are genetically programmed to look for the song and dance and at some point are going to lose interest without it. If that is all a relationship is based on then that will be the end of the relationship.

    When you run into the right smile or the right cute phrase and decide it is worth a try again. You may find in the process that they like video games and anime as well so there are other things that you can enjoy together as well. That is when you become emotionally engaged and start to like the person as a person and that like turns to really like and even love. I think your attitude about looking for just the sex is in no way strange, but in the process of looking for that you may well find something more satisfying so you can not only enjoy that hour or two, but the rest of the day as well. Your heart did not decompose - it is just waiting to find somebody that makes it want to sing again. Just my opinion to be sure.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Could not have said it better your heart is protecting itself right now It is too afraid to get emotionally involved In time i hope you can let down the barriers and try to trust again.
    We all have felt that pain before hun and it hurts but to not try again it will only cause you more pain in the end. I hope you meet someone new soon someone t hat you can share the quiet moments with and the moments that are meant to be remembered with hugs
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @NYJmpMaster: Ah the whole mating ritual thing. ^_^ People tend to think I do not do any studying or that these particular events happened last year. In fact it was almost 4 years ago. ANYWAY, during my time I came across a video seminar where the guy talked about a similar thing. His argument was that all animals instinctively know what the mating process is and can acquire a mate. I tend to think of the common idea that so many people like to use It just happened. Meaning that they all instinctively knew what was happening and were able to see the opposite genders' attraction and attempt at dancing. Among these people about 90% of them either met this mate really young or had several other mates before meeting this person. I am sure all just kind of happened. So I use the argument that females are not attracted to me because I have never instinctualy seen females doing their side of the dance.

    @NYJmpMaster and total eclipse:Your optimism makes me laugh. I will never meet that girl. Because I am so incredibly jaded that if I am not sexually attracted to a girl I will not give her the time of day nor will I count anything she does as flirting or attraction. Another thing, you have to talk to people to meet them. Sure I get out and run errands and so stuff like that. However, just seeing people is not enough. Did you know I have not met a girl of any kind for this entire time? Odd you think, I mean if everything was as simple as you guys say I would have at least met a female. Well regardless, I guess I cannot say it is not a defense mechanism yet because I have not had a female. I never will, so I will never know. After all, in order to have a female they have to be attracted to me too.
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I do not think I said anything new or even overly optimistic - simply that your interest primarily in sex is perfectly reasonable and not strange or different. I did say that it is possible that you may someday find somebody that peaks you interest enough to attempt to try - When it happens to work (typically not every time by quite some distance) that it has a possibility. If that has not occurred it has not. I cannot say it ever will and I cannot say when somebody does catch your interest they will be interested in you. Though sometimes "it just happens" that is very seldom the case with adults, you either have to make the attempt yourself or get lucky with an introduction, or get very very lucky with casual contact and lightening striking. I agree in fact with virtually everything you said. What I was never sure of is if it was philosophical question or a question of what can you do about it...if you want to do anything about it...
  6. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @NYJmpMaster: Hmmm I have been having this problem a lot. I guess it is both a philosophical question and a how to fix it question. However, you are right the question is kind of gray. Was there even a question when I wrote this. It is funny though I see lots of girls that pique my interest. However, I always feel hatred towards them because I know they are not attracted to trash like me.

    Regardless it is an observation I made... I was just not sure what to make of it at the time.
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