Do I Deserve to Feel Suicidal?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Confuzzled, Nov 12, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Confuzzled

    Confuzzled Active Member

    When are you classified as someone who should consider killing themselves? I do... but I'm not sure if I deserve to. I just can't see the point in a lot of things. I'm feeling really depressed, but I'm probably really lucky. It's this not knowing thing. Do I deserve to feel depressed? When it comes down to the crunch, I run out of things to say, I can't give proper reasons. Then I feel weak, and like a coward, and a fraud who doesn't have the right to feel this way. Then I feel like a joke. It's not like any of my loved ones have died. It's like I'm some 'wanabe' misery.

    I kind of... don't want to get better. Is that in itself an illness? It's when I become happy, I feel like I'm going no where. Nobody cares when your happy, everyone thinks you can get on with things. The fact that suicide can occur whenever you want, it feels like you're on the fringes of going somewhere. Somewhere really nice, like the place of your dreams.

    Can you help me come to terms with my depression? Can you tell me that it is definitely there, and I'm not just dreaming it up? I'm not an attention seeker as I don't really like to keep company.

    Thank you.
  2. the other guy

    the other guy Well-Known Member

    Well u know it might not be u. It could be the way people interact with u or talk to u, what i do when im feeling down is watch cartoons, most times it helps.

    I get down(depressed) alot lately, and most times I have no idea why.
    The other day i was driving, nobody was cutting me off or causing a problem but at a stop light, I was thinking of just ramming the vehicle in front of me and I dont know why.

    So dont think ur alone, just try to look for the good or just funny(cartoons).
    Have some fun.
  3. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I don't think anyone deserves to feel suicidal, its a horrible feeling and to feel depressed as well.

    You aren't the only one, there's so many people who have everything one could basically ask for but yet still are depressed. Like for me, I have no friends, no girlfriend, alone, a loser. One kid in highschool was extremely popular, poised for great things but he had died in the last year of school of an overdose, we're guessing due to a suicide from perhaps girlfriend troubles. And I always wonder why he died and I am still alive, when he had all the things that I really crave and that he commited suicide "just becaose of that". I don't mean to belittle his death but I wonder why he did it when he was a happy, going to be sucessful person and not a totally inferior person like me.
  4. deathwalking

    deathwalking Well-Known Member

    I agree...people say they dont respect anybody that takes their own life...but until you're faced with overwhelming feelings of suicide you wont know how youll react.People have their demons...their reasons.
  5. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Dear Confuzzled;

    I must agree that no one 'deserves' to feel suicidal, but there are definate signs of depression. I think it's in the Depression Forum there's a Depression checklist of symptoms to gauge how depressed you are. Worth looking at.

    Depression saps your energy and ambition and often is accompanied by "I don't know" as an answer to "why are you depressed".

    I'd take the depression questionaire just to see where you stand, symptom-wise. And there are solutions to being depressed, like medication and/or counseling to combat it. Both have helped me deal with being depressed and keep the depression from getting overwhelming.

    Good luck to you,

  6. Confuzzled

    Confuzzled Active Member

    Yeah I've taken that test twice and keep getting around the 75 mark.

    This is useful to know. I know how depressed I can get and I sometimes know the reason at the time, but when I talk about it I completely forget. I almost always say "I don't know". This makes me feel that I'm genuine and not some 'cry wolf' type of person.

    Thank you.
  7. Another question worth probing into is "How do I relate to my depression?" in an experiential way [ie. not just intellectually]
  8. live

    live Antiquitie's Friend

    Hey Confuzzled,
    Like Clint Eastwood said in The Unforgiven, "Deserve's got nothing to do with it!" Reading your post was like looking in a mirror for me, because I feel like a big whiny baby when I get a lot of suicidal thoughts. Of course, then I feel more worthless. But it doesn't make the thoughts go away to just think, "I don't deserve to have these thoughts."
    I think that non-existence's remark about investigating your relation to your depression might be useful, since I've been doing it a lot in therapy and it seems to help. Also, one thing to remember is that you're probably suffering from an imbalance of brain chemicals, and that people who have mental illness might kill themselves even when they're objectively on top of the world. So don't beat yourself up too badly; you have a medical condition, not a moral one! My personal moral belief is that if you can help it, you should try to live. On the other hand, there is a lot of stuff that we can't control, so it's probably impossible to judge anyone who is contemplating suicide or who has already done it.
    Ok, this is getting really long (I can't ever seem to leave it at 2 cents, :rolleyes: ) but before I found this site I happened on some religious one that was basically telling me that suicidal people just want to control everyone, and that they're all selfish, and basically it was totally judgemental and awful, and I don't know how it would help anyone with suicidal feelings. Anyway, I'm glad this place isn't like that.
  9. altek001

    altek001 Well-Known Member

    for me, being depressed is just a feeling..and like all can change..different sorts of it and reasons why you feel the way you do..
    and in an attempt to

    feelings are real..i find that you can't pretend to have an can't truly be mad without really *being* mad...and feigning things like that is lame and wastes energy that could be better spent elsewhere..

    so..starting to wrap up, this isn't fake...this is not a dream and real...unfourtunately..

    ..i don't know if this was much help at all, really..

    but, to say something to the commenter before me
    ^me too...^

    - Henry
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.