Do I do it?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by salander, Apr 6, 2013.

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  1. salander

    salander Member

    New here. I have chosen my method. I just need to buy the stuff. I know where I can get it and it's a pretty failsafe method from what I can see on the Internet. I could get the stuff and do it by the end of the weekend.

    I suppose I'm posting on here because a part of me wants to be talked out of it.

    I went to A and E with my mum earlier in the week because things were so awful. I didn't get any help because I was staying with mum and I don't live in her area. I couldn't say too much about being suicidal with my mum there. I came home - I live in Scotland and mum's in England - and promised my mum I'd get help. I haven't, I've just researched how to kill myself and decided on a method.

    There is a crisis line I could call. I'm scared of doing it. I don't know what to say. I don't know if they'll take me seriously. I don't know if it's worth trying any more. I don't think things will get better for myself, I have had depression for many years and haven't been in a relationship for 8 years, but my mum doesn't deserve for me to die - it would hurt her too much. Problem is I don't know if I can stop myself killing myself - I feel kind of cold and dead like nothing else matters except getting the stuff and doing it.
     
  2. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    hey call them, I mean there is nothing to lose, they will take you seriously. Or you can call the samartians anon if you wish. I really hope you do, yo deserve to give yourself the chance of living.
     
  3. salander

    salander Member

    Thanks for your reply. I haven't plucked up the courage yet to call them. I feel so stupid... But thanks for replying to my post it's nice to know someone cared enough to.
     
  4. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    How about emailing the Samaritans they take a few hours to reply just copy and paste what you wrote here?
     
  5. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member



    i've actually been emailing them for quite some time now, and i agree that they are actually extremely helpful- made me feel better on those nights where i've just got no feeling..
     
  6. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    phone the crisis number as soon as you can don't wait it out, get assistance and help now.
    if you can't phone them pass the phone someone who can phone them on your behalf. if they hospital as way of keeping you safe and secure please accept their help.
     
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I have been suicidal for about 21 years..Been in the hospital 10 times.. Trust me it keeps you safe so you can work things out in your head..I'm on the verge of going back in again.. I haven't quite made it that bad yet..You have plenty of time in there to ruminate..You do alot of sitting and waiting.. So take a couple of books with you..In the mean time keep posting here..We will try and help as best as we can..
     
  8. salander

    salander Member

    Thanks all for the replies. I've emailed the samaritans, find it hard to talk on the phone. I don't have anyone here to help me make a call. That's part of the problem really I'm very isolated and find it hard to meet people. I am seeing my gp on monday so if I can hold on til then maybe I can get some help. Sorry you feel almost on the verge of going in to hospital Stranger hope you feel better soon.
     
  9. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Hey I get that too hate phones so much, the docs can give you some meds to try to stop the anxiety what they did with me was let me try them til I decided what to do with more help once the meds where working. So hopefully I have my fingers crossed you can get the help you need.
     
  10. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member



    let us know how it goes for you.

    actually, i can relate to the telephone thing a lot... i'm petrified of them

    even if it's not actively ringing, i can't hold it in my hands- so email for me is the best option
     
  11. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I have emailed and spoken to the Samaritans several times when I have been in crisis. I find emailing better for me as when I'm extremely anxious and suicidal I can't talk on the phone. But with the Sams you can phone them and not say much, but it helps because its someone on the other end of the phone, someone real. Downside about the emails is that it takes hours to get a reply so not always ideal for a crisis situation. It is a good idea to see your GP on monday, they will be able to offer you a lot of help and support. You only have one day to wait, use as much distraction as possible and if you feel really bad, do not hesitate to call nhs direct or 999!
     
  12. salander

    salander Member

    Thanks again everyone. I texted the crisis centre and they called me back and now i feel so humiliated, the guy must have thought what an idiot and an attention seeker. And I gave him my real name. This is why I hate the damn phone. I just don't think before I speak! Anyway I've got an appointment to go and see them at the crisis centre after I've seen my GP tomorrow. Might text and cancel though. Maybe I'd be betterr off going through with the suicide. Not because I made an idiot of myself on the phone but because I don't have the strenght any more to keep trying when I just feel so unable to cope with small things like a phone conversation.
     
  13. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member



    well, for one thing, i'm proud of you

    you say it's hard to cope with a phone conversation, and what did you just do.. talk to the centre on the phone. that's awsome

    hopefully you'll think about going to the appointment- you managed to get it, so it's worth going to see what happens

    good luck

    emily x
     
  14. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    Dom you have a crisis number you can call and are you a service user of mental health team. Please ring your cpn or cc
     
  15. salander

    salander Member

    I saw my Gp today and went to the crisis centre. GP has increased my meds and I'm going to stay the night tonight in the crisis centre. I'm still ambivilent about living or dying and having a lot of thoughts of killing myself. It helps to know I've got some support - I dont' feel quite so out of control. Thank you to everyone who has replied to this thread- you have helped.
     
  16. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    i really hope things improve for shortly glad your meds have been increased pleas stay safe x
     
  17. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I'm really glad you're getting some support. Just take it a day at a time. Thank you for letting us know as well
     
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