I don't understand how I can go from being fine to not wanting to be here anymore. How do I let my self get like this? I feel like I can't talk to my friends. Can't talk to my family. I try to talk to my therapist but the sessions are so short that we end up taking up the time talking about other things. I keep dreaming about SI and it's driving me mad. I know I don't want to do it but it's like I've got split thinking. It's not even arguing with myself over it, both sides are coming through at once and I can't hear myself think because everything's all cloudy. I guess I just wish I could hear myself think for once - I feel stupid saying that, cause I'm thinking right now but that's not what I mean but I can't explain it any other way. Everything's so confusing.