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Do I efen matter any more?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Somedude92, Jan 25, 2010.

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  1. Somedude92

    Somedude92 New Member

    I haven't been on this forum for about 2 year and althhough that seems like a accomplishment, 2 years things really don't change.

    My life feels as if it gotten worse, I constantly feel as if I am being ingored, both at school and at home.

    I'm in several clubs at school in fact, and no matter how much I do and how much I put effort into them I just keep on getting the cold shoulder in terms of when it comes to forming ideas and just having them made into what they can become.

    It pisses me off to the point where their have been some times where I can't sleep at night, as I can't help but feel as if I just don't matter any more. Just falling into basically what is nothing. Stupid people have their buddies in their club, and they get rewarded while they all do nothing.


    I get the nice treatment of being called "unrealible" by some who "dosen't care about other people's opinions"

    Just because he's rich, he think he's a freaking bad ass when truly he's probably the biggest dick in the school and no one likes him, in fact I've been trying to get to know him a bit better and even then he just gets all dick like.

    And at home not much else, my parents ingore me. I come home often just to be ingored, and it's not that there anything wrong with that, but it's just whenever they do care it's because of grades or something and they just go on and on about them, as if I haven't been trying my hardest when truth is I have.

    Teachers constantly do the same, only one ever expressing one bit of kindness, thinking of me as some sort of weird kid.

    Sometimes I just want to cry, but no tears come out.

    I don't want to kill myself.
    I just want to matter for once.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: I kinda know how you feel, when I was in high school and college, all my dad focused on was grades. He never wanted to talk about anything else, just how my grades were. It's like sometimes parents forget that there's a LOT more to life than that.
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I had parents who weren't big talkers. I'm 54 and only late in life did I finally put in the big effort to get to know them.

    It's worth a try I think, to come home one day and say, "I'm really hurting and would like to talk"...I'm pretty sure you'll get a positive response. It's worth the try if you haven't. I did that with my dad who was "clinically depressed" and on meds for the last half of his life (he died at the age of 64). But, I finally got threw to him by just coming over one day and saying "I want to know all about your life". So we started to talk.

    I think that would be a good start. Regarding school, it's really tough with all the competition different personalities. You're lucky if you can make just a couple of close friends and yes, there will be "dicks" around! Just a matter of percentages there, unfortunately.

    Best of luck to you! AND YES...YOU DO MATTER!!!!!!

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