Do I ever look at people and crave their normalcy?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Aurora Gory Alice, Mar 2, 2009.

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  1. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I keep walking down the street and staring at people doing normal things (I'm pretty sure I'm freaking them out by now!), it'll just be people having a regular life, I don't look at celebrities and people with massive houses and feel envious, I look at couples holding hands [because that has never been me], married people with children, people doing their weekly shop at the supermarket, people buying clothes in Top Shop [that I could never fit into], people having a drink with their friends [without getting so off their faces they can't remember who they made it home], people chatting to their best friends on the phone or people who tell them they love them [because nobody has ever told me that], people studying at Uni, or just going to work in the mornings in their suits, people talking about going on holiday or making future plans that they are actually going to go through with...

    I'm just so jealous because I am 25 and I have never done any of these things and I feel like the way I'm going I never will. I just crave a normal life, to be a normal size, with a boyfriend and a university degree and a good job, money in the bank, somewhere I pay rent and friends that actually care about me.
    I wish I had all of that and I don't know how to get it.

    Can anybody relate?
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I think you are striving for the impossible if you are aiming for normalcy because it doesn't actually exist. Maybe you could strive for happiness? Or being content in your life/with yourself?

    What is it that prevents you having all those things? Are there things you can do to work towards having what you want in life?

    I think it's also important to realise that you are looking at snapshots of those people's lives, and they will all have their own problems, because everyone does. The two people holding hands might just have lost a child, or the person studying at uni might have mental health problems, or the people buying clothes at topshop could have eating disorders, or have lost a parent, or it might be the first clothes they have ever been allowed to buy after having been neglected and not ever had new, clean clothes. Yes, those are all extremes, but remember that every single person has their baggage the same as you.

    My childhood friends are all very successful now, partners, houses, amazing jobs, and I'm crippled by a mental health problem that I had no say in and no control over. If I compare myself to them I end up feeling very bad, a failure, all those other things. PRetty much the same as anyone who compares themselves to other people, because there will always be people 'better' than us, and we are also our harshest critics. However, if I actually take a step back, yes, my life is crap right now, but I have my own successes, my own achievements.

    Maybe you could look at the things you have achieved? Or the things you have in your life that you do want?
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey DD,
    Welcome to the forum!! Have you tried setting yourself some small goals?? Once you start acheiving them then you can throw in a long term goal like maybe going to UNI..When you get to UNI you will have the oppurtunity to make a whole new batch of friends..Acoplishing getting a degree will help you to find a decent job which will help you gain the material things you want in life, and even help you to find love!! It's like a big snowball effect..You have to start somewhere and small goals is a good first step!!Take care!!
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I've never wanted all those things.

    The people you describe, could be doing it all for a show- to appear 'normal', you never know what's going on inside of them.

    Personally, they appear really depressing to me.
  5. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Yes I can relate 100%.
  6. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I look at people all the time. I can't help it. It's part of my job really. On the weekends I deliver pizzas. I deliver to all kinds of people..and I think back to the things I used to have that they have now. A house, a family. I guess I still have a family but not like I used to have. I will cherish the days I had my wife and an actual house we lived in.

    Sadly those days are gone. Will they come again. I don't know. But I am glad to have a place to lay my head at night and the small amount of coworker/friends I have and of course my kids.
  7. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the advice guys, Scum - I never really thought about it that way, that others could be suffering through the smiles on their faces. I don't want to use other peoples misery to make myself feel better but I understand what you're saying about how the picture isn't always as pretty as it seems and 'normality' and normalcy aren't as easily achievable as they seem.

    I think I will try small steps stranger, sadly I attempted Uni before and ended up with a drinking problem, getting myself into debt and dropping out 3 months into my first year, so I can't apply for financial aid/student loans now until I have paid it all back, so that's that ruled out. But I'm sure there are other things I can do, I just have to think about what those things are.
  8. Oni

    Oni Active Member

    To be honest; No I don't...

    And I don't want to be the forum troll here. Just giving my thoughts.

    It seems that I already spent 26 years without that craving. I guess if I'd have a "normal" life, a normal mindset and whatnot, I probably don't know what to do. It would freak me out in a way.

    So in a way, I do agree with ggg4567. You don't know how they feel for real, and to add to that. I find it depressing to have a normal "drone" life. Sure, clining on the edge of life's end mentally is a hard time to come by, but on the other hand, and that's probably the thing I want to say here.

    As long as you can live with yourself, set goals, try to achieve them... I see life as a running hurdles... and yes, with some training I can jump pretty high, though life keeps raising that bar too..
  9. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I think it's good to have long term goals that you want to achieve and working out a plan for how to achieve them. For example, if you want to get a degree and are currently not doing anything, you could maybe start volunteering, when you feel able, you can then start a part time job, progressing to full time, then maybe look at doing open university whilst working. That's a very simplistic plan, but the basic steps are there, and they can be done at the pace of whoever is doing it. Maybe having a plan of action to get you to where you want to be might be something worth thinking about.
  10. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    I have to agree with Oni and ggg, i really don't.

    I want to be happy but i despise a lot of 'normal' life and its expectations. To be honest i find it all a mass of nothingness. I try and read about politics, religion etc to make sense of the world and bring meaning to it, but i find it just emphasises the ridiculousness of it all, and feeling this hurts. Sometimes when i view 'normalacy' it hurts because it seems so empty. I don't like where i am now, but i keep seeing the world as a giant ant farm with everyone running about from one place to another, and not noticing how insignificant it all is.

    Besides i have to admit, in the big wide world i probably fit right in and look very normal. I used to think some people had perfect lives and felt inferior, but then i met different people and realised everyone has problems.....finding out the latter was more depressing than thinking the former.
    I have the opposite problem to you, i feel i could go through all the rites of passage by switching myself off and letting people see what they want to see. Due to the way i was brought up I feel i know what i should and shouldn't do and so could do that. In fact i see myself doing that, but i also know one day i'll snap and i'll be too exhausted to pretend anymore. I can look okay without being it.
  11. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Hey DD,

    I'm right there with you - go 1983! Stranger's suggestion about setting up small goals for yourself is really spot on. In regards to education, why not try a community college - they're much more affordable and provide numerous services. Scum is also righ when he says that there is no real normal. My brother in law likes to say that everybody goes crazy once in a while.

    Just some of us go crazy a bit more often :tongue:

    Life can really fall into place. While it sucks to be on the outside of it all, the moment one thing falls into place, like a key in a lock, all the tumblers come falling after. : )

    Don't give up.

  12. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Actually when you think about it OP, don't you go to the supermarket and have to do a lot of the normal everyday stuff you see others doing (maybe not everything you mentioned but you're walking among them aren't you)? Maybe the people you admire, might be feeling alienated/disconnected and looking at you and imagining your life, and wishing they were like you in some ways?

    I mean, I have to go to the supermarket. And I shop for clothes when I need some new ones or when I'm high. I still feel like I hate doing it all (I hate supermarkets)...:dunno: And I used to talk to my ex gf a lot, and I used to text her so I might have appeared like I had a friend, and while we did have a lot of fun, I was unhappy in the relationship in so many ways.

    Maybe you need to figure out what you want, rather than comparing your life with an ideal you see others living? I don't know. ...
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