Do I expect too much from myself? Should I drop out?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by StPatty, Nov 28, 2006.

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  1. StPatty

    StPatty Member

    Hi, i've responded to a few posts but I never really wrote anything about my own problems... so here I'll try and put out one side of them so I can keep trying to be happier.

    I'm 20, this is my 5th semester in college. I always liked to build things and actually liked the science and math classes most people hated, so most people said I'd make a good engineer. I tried mechanical and didn't like it after a year, switched to chemical, I like everything about it, it teaches me things that would be useful in any job, not just science, even writing for example--some people even take this degree planning to go to law school with it. I love it, but I can't concentrate, my motivation is gone. I was always so self-motivated, but I had never put much effort into girls and suddenly one showed up, I spent enough time with her to love her, but after a long time (6 months...) figuring out what we were I guess we stopped being real friends because as much as she liked me, it wasn't the same way I liked her. It's a long story, just don't assume I'm clueless when it comes to girls... it really worked out depressingly for both of us despite never being any "more" than close friends.

    I felt so horrible, I failed most of my classes, even though I'd go to the library a lot most the time I'd end up crying in my hat or something, then I went to Australia hoping it would take my mind off things and help me get over it. It helped, I would say it pulled me halfway out of the ditch, which was far enough to give me hope of getting all the way out. Now it's been a year and a half, and I'm back at school, but the weight of a few hard classes, and my empty heart, is crushing me. I don't have any strong feelings for any girls, so I just go through the motions at the few parties I go to at my old friends' place... All in all I feel like an empty shell with no emotion and no motivation. When the weight of the world presses down, I can't fight it, and I'm just falling again after I fought so hard to get partway back up.

    If I fail any classes this time, I won't have a choice, the university will "suspend" me, and at this point, I think I might be wasting my time trying to pass anyway. I liked doing carpentry, my life was happier when I was doing that a few years ago and I learned in Australia that money is useless if you never appreciate it, but I can't believe I've worked so hard trying to get the job I really want only to give up when it would take less than 2 more years to get it. I'm tired of working to find a girl, only to always end up with nothing, and working maybe 80 hours a week at school, only to have bad grades and no money. I'm at a point where the old it'll-be-better-eventually thing just can't fill all the sadness I carry around.

    If you were me, would you quit school... move to somewhere new and know that if only something had gone right you'd be doing what you always wanted... maybe regret not having that last drop of energy you needed to succeed at what you knew you could do?

    I feel so useless. My sister does all these great things, so does the girl I fell in love with, and I used to feel like I'd do the same, but here I am wondering if I'll ever feel at least OK about myself again. My life really is empty, I've simplified it in hopes that would help me pass my classes. I don't want it to be empty anymore and it feels like soon I'll just be overwhelmed with sadness to the point of no return. I guess it's all my decision... but some of you are older or might have things to say?
  2. eih

    eih Well-Known Member

    not that I'm in any state to give advise really..

    well.. you know what you seem like a pretty smart guy. You get the science and stuff. Don't give up on your studies.. try.. I know you are trying but seriosuly don't let bad grades get you down to bad..... don't quit right now and try to pull your grades up.. if you fail your classes again.. then oh well go off to somewhere you like like austraila.. try and make a living

    sorry you feel so empty... I can definatly relate.. for love of a girl.. just wait.. it'll come naturally if you let it probably :dunno:

    best of luck...
  3. tip

    tip Guest

    well i'm not older, I am the same age though, and I can relate alot.

    University is hard, your definately not the first or the last to struggle. But like you said you enjoy that stuff, and you get it - which is a talent because so many people just don't. Don't drop out, thats like quitting or giving up, don't do it, your in 5th semester so you must be doing something right because SO many people don't even make it that far. You sound like you really enjoy this subject so I am sure if you continue to work hard as u are already, it will work out in the end. I felt like you alot recently. My life was so empty and I had NO idea where I was going..I barely got through my first year...via retakes... and started this year horribly. But I got a good result in my coursework recently and a mock exam...and maybe things are turning up. You just ave to keep plugging away, nobody cruises through Uni.

    They do so much great stuff..I get that too, its even harder when people around you are doing well and your not. But it's never good to compar to others(even if it is human nature), I am sure there are plenty of things that you are good at that they are not.

    You CAN do it, you said it just need to convince 1 person...yourself. The fact u knw you can do it is a great step, i think its not that your not doing the work, its that your maybe not taking it in properly cos your mind is clouded with these negativities.

    As for girls, man they are a mystery! All you can do is be the person you are, try to be the best you can be, and 1 day she might change her feelings (they change their minds alot), is it better not having her at all than having her as a friend?? I think maybe she can support you as a friend and maybe having her in your life can help you get that focus back. I had a decision like this in my life a year and a half ago, I chose to stay friends rather than lose her all together, and we are friends still now - she has a bf too. I always think of her still, maybe I always will, but knowing she's my friend means that no matter what she'll never forget me and we will always have something..even if its nt love. But I dunno maybe its better you not being friends - but I think that its been so long since the shit happened and your still cut up about it that it would maybe be better to stay friends. I dunno he bit about her liking you but not the same not sure what you meant, maybe i've totally missed the point(i do that alot lol). It's hard to say if you'll ever meet another girl, cos you'll always be comparing to this one - and you'll always put this one a pedestal in your mind that means no-one will ever be at her level. Thing is, if you can't win her by being yourself...then I think it's just a heartbreak that you've got to suffer on the road to finding the real one - but that's not easy(nothing is)..

    Carpentry..I don't know but I can see thats not what you really want to do, but you never know, if the engineerig doesn't work out, then maybe you'll try it properly and really get into it and maybe it will be a better life move for you.

    Whatever happens...don't give up...on anything... struggling makes the victory so much sweeter. Never give up because things are never lost until u throw them away - and then you will hate yourself even more for it. Think of it as a challenge even, your own personal i dunno quest to destroy the ring (not only was that very nerdy but i really am talking shit now lol)

    but most importantly...follow your heart

    i hope i helped somewhat! I think I identify alot with your problems that why I wrote quite a bit, tell us how it goes
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2006
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