Do I have a problem? (My Vice)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by KittyGirl, Dec 27, 2009.

  1. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Okay... this is embarrassing to talk about... but it's really REALLY beginning to bother me a lot.
    I don't smoke or do drugs, and never intend on starting.
    I drink once a year or less and have never been drunk- it just doesn't interest me.
    The only way that I know I've been able to relieve my daily stress in the past was through sex. My only boyfriend ever- agreed to wait until I was ready to have sex the first time... and it was nearly 2 years that we waited before doing it. After that though, we were doing it at least once a day- every day- for the rest of our 7 year relationship. I have only ever had sex with him. I have not even been sexually attracted to a single other person in my whole life.
    The average was 3 times a day... sometimes up to 6 or 7- every day...
    I would be late for school and work and appointments because I'd want to do it before I left the house (or before bed... or while making dinner... or in the morning...). I feel kind of bad now because there were times that he would refuse at first and I would kinda ignore him and keep going... -__- there were also a few times that he would say it was getting painful, and I would kinda ignore him. >.< ahh! I'm a horrible person!!
    I'd also molest him in his sleep sometimes XD
    For the most part he'd have no problem, and would (enthusiastically) initiate it just as often as I did. (a bit less...)

    I guess that it gave me enough confidence and happiness to last the period that I would be in public and on buses and in crowds... so I wouldn't get so shaky and anxious?
    Now I've gone from doing it every day to NEVER.
    I can't seem to do much on my own... so my stress keeps building. -__-

    I've thought of having one night stands, but I am pretty shy at first- kinda paranoid- and really distrusting of people. It takes a long time for me to feel comfortable with people and I can't imagine ever getting naked with someone who I'm not comfortable with! 0_o
    I've also considered adding 'benefits' to a friendship with one of my guyfriends who is currently single... but I honestly can't see myself being able to do that either. I'd be afraid of hurting his feelings in the longrun. (and I'm still only attracted to my ex... urg.)

    I know that I need to find another way to take out my daily stress... any suggestions?
    (I already do yoga/pilates, paint, hot showers, write and so on)
    I was wondering if anyone else has this problem?
    Also... am I normal? Should I seek help for this?
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I will say that 3-7 times a day is... a lot, but if you were and your boyfriend were happy doing it I don't see a problem.

    I'd advise against one night stands though, easy way to pick up weirdos and diseases, but that's really your choice.

    As for for friends with benefits, also be careful with that because I've not often seen relationships that go unchanged from adding sex into it. Again though, your choice just be wary.
  3. History

    History Well-Known Member

    u may be a nymphomaniac so i suggest u got see a doctor. maybe he/she could help.
  4. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I thought nymphomania was not considered a real disease...
  5. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    3-7 times a day for seven years? That really isn't typical.. In the early stages of a relationship, yes, but generally people cut back to a few times a week after about a year, or at least that was the impression I was under.

    I think its really important that you read this. All of it.

    Also, if your partner wanted you to stop or didn't seem interested, you should have respected that and should perhaps work towards lessening the addiction before persuing another sexual relationship. If a woman refused or said that it was hurting her and her male partner continued anyway, I'm sure the situation would be seen as incredibly serious.

    If you start seeing someone to deal with this, I'm sure they'll suggest things you can try. Maybe sport, though? That should give you a chemical release so maybe it would be slightly closer to the sexual addiction and could work better? Unless you've already tried that. If so, ignore me XD
  6. Icey

    Icey Active Member

    Girl, you're not the only one. I have such a horrible sex drive it's amazing, and it's also the only thing that relieves stress.

    I'd advice strongly against one night stands. It's... really creepy, and ends up landing you in a lot of trouble. And I'd also advice against friends-with-benefits unless it could possibly lead into a full bloomed relationship.

    Well, and I'm not sure if you've already tried this, the only thing that keeps me from stressing out further is music. Have you tried buying those calming cds? Or listening to your favorite band in a time when you're just too stressed to think? Besides my lover, my music is the only thing that keeps me from wigging out. Also both me and my lover are underage and if we're caught doing something it'll cause so much trouble and even worse we're two females so it'll cause even worse trouble and blah blah blah. And in three months I'll be legal and she won't so it'll be statutory rape and blah blah blah so we RARELY get the chance to do something. Last time think it was in June, and the time before it was in December. So I turn to music instead.

    If not music, trying painting something sexual and poetic at the same time. I draw pin ups ALL the time and it relieves a lot of my stress.

    And also meditate. I meditate at least three times a day and it helps to survive the remaining hours.

    EDIT: Oh oh also! Dancing is great. I dance all the time. Another of my many solutions to stressing.
  7. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the advice everyone!
    I'll try to bring this up in my next therapy session- since it seems to be serious.

    My brother is also joining the gym in January, so I will see about going with him once a week to start. If I'm comfortable with that and feel that it helps, I'll continue with some sort of sport as release.
    I listen to music constantly and it doesn't seem to have much of a stress relieving effect on me... it's more just for entertainment. But I will try interpreting my desire through artwork instead!

    Although I never went into this discussion in detail with my mother; apparently the women in our family have a ridiculously high sex drive. I don't know if anyone else is quite as bad as I am- but I was kind of hoping that my problem wasn't so serious as I'm thinking it is now.
    Aside from the multiple partners and affairs; It may be an addiction. If that's the case, I'll seek help for it... although I do find it kind of humiliating... since I'm already VERY concerned with what people think of me. >.<

    I feel bad for the times that I went ahead and did it with my bf- even when he didn't particularly want to. He was never angry with me afterward; but I should have stopped when he asked. It's only common sense.

    I'm kind of glad that I'm a paranoid shut-in... cause if I wasn't, and addiction was the case- I'd really be at risk for some nasty diseases.
  8. 1victor

    1victor Well-Known Member

    60% of women do not like sex but like masturbation they usually masturbate during sex as well.
    30% feel pain and discomfort and not interested in sex at all
    only 10% of women can enjoy sex.
    There is nothing wrong with you. You simply are a girl that hard to find. :IrishDoll:
  9. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    That doesn't seem right.. are you sure that isn't the percentage of women who can orgasm through penetration as opposed to clitoral stimulation?
  10. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    Those statistics, if not made up on the spot, sound like they were derived from some 1950s propaganda tv special.
  11. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    lol- I hope they are >.<
    If not- that's really sad and I feel sorry for everyone else!
  12. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    Same XD

    Oh, I was thinking earlier. Three things:

    1. I hope you don't think I was attacking you about not backing off when your boyfriend refused. I just meant that it might be a good idea to resolve or control the issue before being in another relationship because that could really upset some people. You seem like the kind of person who'd feel terrible for upsetting someone they cared about that way.

    2. About your family having a high sex drive. I know a lot of people with high sex drives, mine is actually, but yours is much more severe than any I've heard of for a woman. I'm pretty sure that naturally, it wouldn't be that high, because the need to reproduce wouldn't be that high.. if that makes sense? And a lot of women go through days where they don't want sex at all and that doesn't seem the case with you - usually women want sex more two weeks after their period I believe? And when they're around 30ish. Mind me asking how old you are?

    But it really does sound like its not so much the act of sex as such, but the chemicals released during it that give you a natural high. Its kind of like a drug addiction.. so maybe the rest of your family simply have addictive personalities? Its more acceptable to be addicted to sex than drugs, drink etc. but have any of the women in your family found that they maybe smoke or drink in excess or anything similar? Or maybe binge eat?

    3. It just occured to me, that was a long relationship to come to an end.. I'm sorry for whatever happened that come between you. If you ever need someone to talk to about it, vent or anything like that, feel free to drop me a PM or add me on MSN.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 28, 2009
  13. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    No, I didn't think you were attacking me at all. I realize that this is serious now that it's become so irritating for me, and I'm unable to control myself as well as I should. Since I'm not thinking of being in another relationship for a very very long time, I do hope that this problem is fixed by then.

    I'm 21 now. I've felt that my sex drive is pretty consistent all through the month...

    My extended family does have a history of addiction to many things. My father was a big drug user and alcoholic for most of my childhood- and my mother was addicted to shopping for the longest time, as well.

    7 years was pretty much all of my youth devoted to one person.
    We were supposed to go to a ring fitting in september, but he ended it in august and didn't have a reason why. He's actually already in another relationship...but I just can't hate him no matter what. I really miss him so much.