Do I Have a Problem?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Amanda, Nov 1, 2014.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    So a couple years ago I was going to AA and had three months sobriety and then I decided that I didnt really have a problem. Fast forward to now, lots has happened in between, and Im questioning whether I have something manageable or if I should go back to AA.

    For the past 18 months I have been doing lots of binge drinking and smoking a lot of crack cocaine, and my life absolutely fell to pieces.

    Sometimes I can have like one or two drinks without getting impulsive or what have you but most of the time I need to binge and have like ten drinks and then all bets are off and my life is about to fall to bits.

    So I dunno is this a manageable thing or do I need to give up the liquor and the drugs completely and go back to a program like AA or NA?
  2. Ed.

    Ed. Well-Known Member

    You have a problem. Seek help, if help you have had in the past has not helped you, find some other help.

    Do not be in denial, if you want to change things, you can, don't ever think you cannot.

    Many people drink, some people drink a lot, and some people drink to escape their problems. The latter I call a problem. Problems can be solved.

    (P.S. coke=problem.)
  3. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot R2D2

  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi hun,

    I have seen you struggle through the years, dropping out of university. I think yes you do have a problem go back to NA and AA, I think you starting this thread is you knowing and realizing this problem. You're still young you can do this. No one is saying it will be an easy task but you can do it, I believe in you :)
  5. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Agree with Petal. You recognised you have a problem which is the first step. Attend both organisations and perhaps write your feelings in a dairy. Important think is life which is important like YOU. Keep posting for care and support. If you want to talk privately, PM me.
  6. Sophaloph

    Sophaloph Member

    This is so helpful for me to read- I have also been attending NA for 5 years and was questioning the alcohol thing too- cos I didn't drink everyday but when I did id usually drink as much as I could! But there were times when id not even finish my glass at dinner with the family. So have been questioning why I should give up something I wasn't addicted to- I just wanted to feel comfortable in my skin and would have used anything to achieve that, which is why I also used heroin, until I couldn't use it anymore and my body was falling apart. Forget about the word unmanageable. If you see you have issues with something then that's a great first step in the right direction xx thanks for the post
  7. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    When YOU question if you have a problem, You Do Have A Problem Some people can Drink, Some Cannot, when you look back and ask yourself or someone else asks you, it's like YES! Don't push it away don't try and cover it up, You have to act then Before it is to late. It doesn't matter if it's drugs or Alcohol.

    One more thing to look at is, what are the people around you doing. Misery Loves Company. Look at those same people when you aren't using or abusing and they may be doing, Don't Judge them, Just look at them Are You Thinking ................
  8. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I think you already know the answer to your own question. Perhaps you are just hoping someone is going to give you a different answer because you don't want to stop. Well, I would love to tell you everything is going to fix itself and be just fine, but I can't do that. Personally, I think you need NA, first and foremost. AA is good too, but they can be a little judgmental at times about narcotic substance abuse. In NA you can talk about both crack/cocaine and drinking. I've found those particular groups to be a bit more open-minded. I've been a heroin addict for about 5 years now, and no matter how long I stop for, I will never be foolish enough to say I'm not an addict anymore. I will always be an addict, even if I have 30 years clean. Because regardless of how much clean time you have, it could all go away in the blink of an eye. That's why it's a one day at a time thing. Addiction never was and never will be manageable no matter what. I don't care if you only do it once every 6 months...doesn't change the fact. Drinking is going to make you want to use drugs, and using drugs will make you want to drink so the wise thing to do would be to avoid both. Don't think that you can manage a drink or two here and there because it's always going to escalate into something else, if not right there and then, then a week from then or a month. So bottom line, yes you should continue to go to meetings, and don't stop just because you think you've been clean and you're better because if you think that way then you will relapse.
  9. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    I appreciate all of the responses, I have come to the conclusion that I dont have enough of a problem to warrant AA/NA. I can manage it on my own. Besides I like drinking and I dont want to give it up. I have been free of hard drugs since July, I still crave them and would do them if given an opportunity but I dont have the opportunity and I havent been seeking it out so I think thats good.

    I think part of it was that AA is a social outlet and I really miss the social aspect of meetings, though I dont think that that is a reason to go.

    I dunno, I like drinking and for the time being Im going to continue to drink unless something or someone comes along to convince me otherwise.
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hey amanda :)

    It's awesome that you're free of hard drugs since July, well done :)

    Do you think you drink to excess? How does alcohol affect you? I know a lot of people drink to socialize, at gatherings parties etc.... But with your mental health issues maybe it's unhealthy for you. Drink lifts the mood, a central nervous system the long run is it worth it?

    For me, I cannot drink.
    1) Cannot drink on my medication
    2) Years ago I had a problem with drinking because I was gravely depressed and it lifted my mood
    3) If I drink now, it makes me violent, anger, rage you name it. I cannot tolerate alcohol at all. I choose not to drink, it's a wise choice for me lol with the mental health issues I don't think my body will ever be able to tolerate alcohol. I won't ever touch a drop again, that is a fact.

    You need to keep your mental health a priority, I'm not saying you have the same issues as I do but mental illness and alcohol is a lethal combination.
  11. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    Im not one of those people who is a chronic drinker, but Im not happy drinking unless Im drinking to get drunk. I binge drink if Im drinking at all.

    As for how it makes me feel it numbs me and then it makes me sad. And it gives me liquid courage to self harm.
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    That really is not healthy for you at all amanda. You do have a problem hun and I think you know deep down that you do but would rather mask it with ''i just wanna get drunk''. It's giving you courage to harm yourself? For your safety and health you need to go back to AA. Don't even think about it, just do it, I am your friend and we talk almost daily and I care what happens to you and what you are doing to your body. Please go back to AA. It is for the best. Gentle hug :hug:
  13. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I can't force you to go obviously, and I'm not going to try to. All I can tell you is that, on the contrary, it being a social outlet for you is a damn good reason to go. When you're around people who are trying to help you stay clean and they're taking your mind off wanting to get high and engaging you in other activities, chances are you will stay clean at least on that particular day, which is all you can really ask for. When I was going to NA meetings, people often went out for dinner or lunch after the meeting, I went over to my sponsor's house on several different occasions when I was craving really badly, and it did help for the time being. It's better to hang out with people who are clean than sit in your house and dwell on the fact that you feel like ass and you wish you had some way to get some money or find a connect to get you something. Regardless though, truth is, you don't even need a reason to go. I thought for the longest time that me being there was pointless because I wouldn't raise my hand to share anyway and just sat there still wanting to get high, or was already high while sitting there and nodding out. But my sponsor told me that regardless of all that, as long as at least a small part of me wants to stop (which it did, because I realized all the extra bullshit and obstacles my addiction was causing for me), then that's a good enough reason to be there, despite the fact that I'm high at the time or I still want to get high or I'm not sharing like other people are. For one thing, me being in those rooms means I'm not out trying to get more which is already a good thing, and maybe, just maybe...I might end up hearing something from someone that clicks for me. And if not, keep coming back and trying. At the very least, someone is going to offer to hang out so that you don't come back home feeling the same way you did before. Also, no one is going to be able to convince you not to drink or do drugs if you don't give them the chance. And by not going to meetings you're isolating yourself in your own head, which obviously doesn't give anyone the chance to do so. And the fact that you've been free of hard drugs since July doesn't mean anything. Don't get me wrong, that's a great accomplishment on your part, but the fact is, especially since you still say you crave them, you're going to end up going back as soon as you get the chance to do so. Just because you're not going out of your way doesn't mean it'll never happen again. In fact, I haven't gone out of my way to do heroin either. But I knew damn well that I probably still would if someone said ''hey lets go do it'', or if one day I'm feeling extra shitty and craving more than usual, I might even be the one to suggest it. And that's happened on several occasions, and on two of those occasions I've had 4 months as well as 14 months clean before it happened, thinking I wasn't going to do it again cause it's been a while and I hadn't been craving like I used to. One day, you hear or see something that tempts you, or you feel a certain way, and it just hits you out of nowhere, and then before you know it that time you had clean has gone out the window. Like I said I can't force you, but my whole point is, just because you've been clean doesn't mean that your problem isn't bad enough to warrant NA/AA. And even if it's just to hang out with other people and get your mind off of how you feel, that's a great reason to go.
  14. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    Ive decided I really do have a problem and Ive looked it up, found a meeting, and Im going to go to a meeting tomorrow.
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You already know how proud of you I am Amanda and please keep your promise of not even drinking one drink before going, you know I care about you!! Best of luck honey...hope it all goes smoothly, it can't be easy but you will get through this and you can overcome it, don't underestimate yourself hun!! Big hugs, petal xoxox

    (Oh also- I had to leave chat, I cannot use chat on the laptop I am using now, sorry) But can't wait to hear tomorrow how the meeting went! Good luck girl =)
  16. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    I went to a meeting tonight and it was awesome.
  17. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Sooooo proud of you honey! Also just replied to your PM. I'm unable to use chat on this laptop ugh!
  18. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    I tried to PM you back but apparently you need to clean out your saved messages!
  19. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Oh damn yeah, sorry I message a lot, it must be full...will delete some now!!

    Edit: Have just erased a load of messages so you should be able to message now! :) Also thanks for pointing it out, I wouldn't have noticed otherwise!
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 9, 2014
  20. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    I sent you another message just waiting on a response!
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.