Well i guess ill get started with my curiosities. Well i have been watching porn since i was 10 years old, and watch it whenever it is available, and i actually enjoy it, like if i was to make an about me, i could really say I LIKE PORN. lol. but idk. i mean i can and will watch it multiple times a day if it is available as i said. Also I probably masturbate more than ten times a day, i've nevr counted but i bet. ill do it on waking when going to sleep in the middle of the night, throughout the day... just whenever i can. without getting caught. i've done it at school. in bathrooms at resturants(not because of the public aspect just cause i needed to) lol. it sounds so bad but its kinda funny c'mon but im being serious. like if im just sitting there bored ill be like ok ill just think of some sex fantasies and lose my self. not the other way round oh god im horny i think i might need to, i just do it. i can either just start off on my own or something can trigger it. is that compulsive masturbating? or is it just like being young adult having a high sex drive? thats where i think it's not a problem. but i've only had real sex with 2 people to completion and a few others like a lil bit and fooled around to finish off. but yeah so i guess i've only had sex twice(well with two people a few times with each lol) uhh. i really just want affection like someone to cuddle with and take a nap with and hug. and just have conversations with and feel special and close to, i've never had a "real" girlfriend, at least in the sense it wasn't about sex or it wasn't some messed up situation and it didn't last more than a week. i really want that, and have never had one, maybe even just a girl to like share affection with til i feel better. I get kinda jealous easy like im not gonna be the guy spying on his girl but like idk if i thought she was flirting or something or felt like i was sub par or something i'd be silently depressed inside. and i get my feelings hurt easy although these are not the reasons for failed relationships i have experienced... i had legitimate like reasons like people being really ahhh not faithful ill say. i mean really not faithful not just paranoid about it. i feel like i don't deserve "love" or whatever, i feel sometimes as if i should kill my self over it, but i don't of course! i do get intense feelings of rejection as well. uhh any ideas?