do I have a right to feel this way?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by aki, Jan 23, 2009.


does someone who hasn't experienced sexual abuse deserve to be depressed?

  1. yes

    17 vote(s)
  2. no

    2 vote(s)
  3. in some ways yes, in some ways no

    0 vote(s)
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  1. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    It seems like the majority of female members here and a lot of the males have been sexually abused/raped. I haven't and I know a lot of people wouldn't understand why I would get so upset about problems so meagre (in most peoples eyes) in comparison. I feel like absolute shit tbh. I'm in almost constant heart wrenching pain, feel humiliated and frustrated about even the smallest things, and then I get told that my pain is nothing.

    Anyway, honest opinions, please do not lie to make me feel better, I want to know exactly where I stand :mad:
  2. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    You don't have to justify your feelings to other people. You don't have to earn the right to your own feelings.

    Just because someone else can't understand the way you feel, doesn't mean that you shouldn't feel that way to begin with. It's the old cliche of pain being relative. If you're suffering from things that you or others think are minor events, then it often points to a lack of coping skills or extreme sensitivity, possibly born out of low self esteem.
  3. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    nobody can compare experiences.. what is devastating to me may not be to you and visa versa. nobody should judge until you have walked in that persons shoes. we all have diff abilities to cope and diff challenges. there are many reasons for depression, SA is just one of many and none are better or worse than the other imo

    sam x
  4. Zoe

    Zoe Well-Known Member

    YES, absolutely you have the right to.

    Comparing yourself to other people never helps.

    You dont choose to be depressed - it's not your fault.

    I'm suicidally depressed and haven't been sexually abused or raped, and I know many others that are in the same position.

  5. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    :agreed: 100%
  6. Anju

    Anju Well-Known Member

    Everyone has the right to be depressed, if that's how you wish to state it.

    It's not helpful to compare your own problems to other's, because alot of people will hear someone elses story and think gosh, I have no real problems like that. Doesn't make them any less depressed though, nor does it make them have less of a right to.
  7. Pad

    Pad Well-Known Member

    I voted no, but I might have missunderstood the question. I don't believe anyone deserves to be depressed, it's a horrible emotion to feel. But I can understand that people get depressed because of different things, myself it's my own isolation because of anxieties. I wasn't abused or anything, i just never learnt how to communicate properly. I don't think there has to be any other reason than it's how you feel. If people don't understand then I think thats pretty hypocritical
  8. Zoe

    Zoe Well-Known Member

    ^ Excellent post :)
  9. Fern17

    Fern17 Well-Known Member

    I suffer from depression (bipolar II, to be exact) and I have also never experienced any kind of sexual abuse--nor any other kind of abuse. I always found it so strange that I had such a great childhood; I have loving parents and grew up in a community, where I now live again, where I know I am loved and respected.

    And yet I struggle with depression and sometimes major suicidal thoughts.

    But then you must look at the basics again: Clinical depression and bipolar, etc. are all biochemical conditions. I have had depression in the past that was "motivated" by the sudden death of my best friend. I have hit depression after the suicide of my sister-in-law.

    But I'm now experiencing a long-lasting depression after having gone through a month and a half of hypomanic FUN, and, to boot, I have absolutely no "reason" to be depressed at the moment. But I am. And I'm doing my best to combat it. But it's still here.

    And anyone who dares to tell anyone that their problems mean nothing because other people's problems are bigger or more important, obviously needs a lesson in compassion.

    I think the bottom line is that we, who suffer from any kind of depression, illness, abuse...any and all of it...have to try to tear ourselves away from a place of victimization and try to get to a place of reality. We all have our moments or days of feeling sorry for ourselves, but I can honestly say that I've come a long way and my moments of self-pity are now fewer and farther between. It doesn't mean my depression is cured...but rather, it just helps me to accept my illness as an ILLNESS and not as a punishment, nor as a weakness of my character.

  10. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry, terrible wording :sad: that is definitely NOT what I meant :sad: *hits herself*

    And ty for your replies. :hug:
  11. Pad

    Pad Well-Known Member

    don't hit yourself >.< was my bad. I should have got it from the post :unsure: it was only when i saw everyone had voted yes i realised
  12. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter


    Of course you have a right to your feelings! Sexual abuse isn't the only kind of abuse either! Psychological, emotional, and physical abuse can be just as bad if not worse.
  13. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Of course you have a right they are your feelings they are important. A person can be sexually abused and have no feelings and feel nothing and be numb and be abusive to other people. It really depends on how people process things.

    And from what I read about your home, it doesn't sound too good. I realised when I moved out of that situation you really get to see what is psychological abuse and what is a fucked up family and what is generally, a fucked up society. And psychological abuse is something that runs far deeper than any physical scar..

    I've heard doctors throw terms like 'low self esteem' at me all the time in the past, like it was something inherent, like y'know, it's something genetic and not something that others have responsibility over.

    There also isn't a heirarchy as to what is more 'severe' whether it be sexual, physical, emotional. Regardless of what's happened, you'll get psychological scarring and that's what people have to deal with
  14. porcelain child

    porcelain child Well-Known Member

    It depends on the way you look at it...

    No one deserves to be depressed... But if your meaning if someone has been abused if they are depressed then they have the righ to be depressed then yea course they are... its not wrong to be depressed..

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