Do I have a "Why not me" attitude?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by HomerSimpson, Jun 15, 2009.

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  1. HomerSimpson

    HomerSimpson Well-Known Member

    People I have been suicidal and depressed for at least 7 years if not more. I joined a running group about two years ago, and one of the members was a woman whom I had known for years. We became very close friends, and to me she was my best friend. In my 35 years of being alive I finally had someone to share stuff with. I have never ever been close to even my family to share things with to them. But most importantly she gave me some hope and gave me something to look forward to. I loved being friends with her, and yes I fell in love with her, but she is married. Please listen when I say I NEVER EVER crossed any lines with her, or NEVER EVER had the thought that one day we may be together.

    Anyway she left her husband, and finally admitted what everyone knew except me she was being abused for many years. Now I mean verbally abused, and violent as in throwing and breaking stuff. After listening to everyone tell her she was a sinner, and she should give him another chance she went back to him after only two months. In two months he supposedly changed after 23 years of being the way he was.

    So she had to cut ties with all of her friends, because she says he is insecure . I have not spoken with her in about six months. So here is a man who abused his wife for years, even told his daughter she needs to commit suicide and yet he ends up with everything. He lives in a 300,000 house, wealthy, and has an incredible human being as a wife. Now here I am even more depressed than ever. I have to live with and take care of my grandmother, have no job, and feel like the loneliest person in the world. All I ever wanted was to remain friends with my best friend, but in the end I end up with nothing, but my depression and suicidal thoughts. So do I have that "Why not me" attitude?
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I know life can seem so unfair and that "nice guys finish last" but I truly believe it will come did for you once that is clear from your story so why not again? I see not reason that she may get the strength once again for are right I doubt he has changed so I see it as entirely possible.

    I feel the pain you are going through right now thought, in this moment and my heart goes out to you! Please take care of yourself and keep talking to us ..let it all out!

  3. unknown loner

    unknown loner Active Member

    i know how you feel. i hate it in this world where the pepole who do wrong things in their life get whatever they want. it freakin sickens me. it kinda reminds me something that happened in my school where a girl was beatin by her boyfreind and she is still with him and the girls still are atracted to the prick.

    i feel what you are going through but just keep your hopes up for the future.
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That really sucks. I am so sorry. It doesn't make any sense to me. Why she would want to be with her.
    I'm sorry that you've lost such a close friendship. We're here for you. :hug:
  5. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Well, you never know what will eventually happen with her someday. BUt I have a feeling that you will already be taken should she come a knockin.

    Because you are a kind, caring and loving individual. One of these days in the near future you will find yourself in a relationship to your liking just when you least expect it. It can't help but happen. I say this because although the ages are off by a couple of years, the same thoughts and situations led me to a wonderful relationship.

    I hope you find what you are looking for.
  6. HomerSimpson

    HomerSimpson Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for the kind and understanding words. It seems most people I mention this to simply take the idea of "Just get over it". I guess if anyone has really cared for someone whether it be in love with or love as a friend "Just getting over it" is not that simple. Thanks again everyone.
  7. stitlskin

    stitlskin Guest

    Homer don't ever give up. Your friendship with this person has given you some meaning to your life and you truelly fell in love with her. Sadly, human individuals make their own choices for good or for bad... This is true and painful. Your friend has made a decision, and if you really like/love her try to respect it. I am sure that she doesn't even have total control over the situation.

    Relationships that involve abuse are very difficult to understand from the outside since they are not rational at all. I mean, who wants to keep up a relationship where you are abused, it's not logical! That's how most of us think... But the truth is that they imply so much emotions that are difficult to deal with! Think about your own desperate feelings in the past/present are they rational?? No, but they are no easy to overcome either, right? This might be what is happening to your friend.

    Yeah, I understand perfectly your feeling about your why not me attitude, it's true... But if you really love this person you're also going to have to be strong enough to accept her decision and even...losing her. True love is based on freedom, think about it...

    On the other hand, who knows what can happen? Open your mind. Do not give up but at the same time respect her decision. Respecting her decision doesn't mean you have lost her, however irrational it is for you.... It means you have went one step higher as to respecting her no matter what happens. And think that she might not even be able to control her own situation right now.

    Sincerely, stitls
  8. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry this happened to you. It's always hard to get over something like this, just take your time in dealing with your feelings surrounding this issue. But this is not the end, it's a set back but you'll form other friendships, other loves, meet other people. I wont say "Just get on with it" because it's never that easy, but try to carry on and get out there to meet other people :hug:
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