Do I have Depression?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by adolescent09, Nov 25, 2009.

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  1. adolescent09

    adolescent09 Member

    Hello everyone. Due to legal factors I cannot reveal my identity or disclose any personal information. I will only say that I am 18 years old but now I will get straight to the point. I have been having homicidal thoughts for the last two months, but they have seemingly evolved to stronger feelings which I cannot discuss in detail but, which I assure you are very perturbing. My sleep patterns are fine but I am having difficulty concentrating on my school work. I was diagnosed with Psychosis a month ago and I am taking medications for the "illness" but not only are they not effective, they are making these thoughts that I possess more frequent in nature. I have a recurring feeling that I am going to die very soon and that death is a part of my destiny.

    Here are a few frequently asked questions that I have answered:

    How often do I think of homicide? I went from thinking about it 2-6 hours a day but now I think about it all the time.

    Why do I think about suicide? I am the son of an only parent and I have no extended family. I have a friend who cannot empathize with me and my psychiatrist honestly does not understand what I am going through. Since I have no one to reveal my thoughts to, I think the best and logical way to end these thought processes efficiently and permanently is to commit suicide.

    How long do I feel I have to live? 1 year

    What medication am I taking and is it having an effect? Risperidone and no. I feel like a vegetative zombie deprived of the ability to think properly and speak lucidly. Sometimes I feel too tired to think about homicide but that does not mean I still don't possess the thought.

    Aside from this I cannot divulge anything else because the legal consequences could be dire. I simply need to know if I have depression, not necessarily what I should do about it. Thank-you and have a wonderful Thanksgiving :biggrin:
  2. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    Hey adolescent09,

    I would run screaming from anyone who says they can diagnose anyone with anything over the Internet!

    I think if you are already in treatment for psychosis, and your medication is making things worse instead of better, you should get back to your psychiatrist ASAP and tell him that. To me it sounds like you know the homicidal thoughts are irrational/unwanted, and if they went away you could take the suicide option off the table, so I feel like it's at least partly a question of Better Living Through Chemicals. Either a different dosage or a different medication should have SOME positive effect.. the point of meds is to make you feel less homicidal, not turn you into an exhausted vegetable. Even if your psychiatrist doesn't totally understand where you are at, he can help you experiment with your meds until you find something that turns the volume down instead of up.

    Just my two cents.. take it easy.
  3. adolescent09

    adolescent09 Member

    Thanks a lot for the reply. I'll make sure to contact him as soon as possible.
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