Do I matter?

[yada]

Of the many things going wrong in my life nowadays, a major one is that I don't matter to anyone. Now I expect some folks here will say that they care for me and that I matter to them, and whereas those sentiments are appreciated, it's not the same thing. I need to matter to people who know me. My immediate family doesn't call me for months. And it seems I'm on bad terms with a lot of people lately, including family. I've come to realize that I'm not at fault. I've just lost my tolerance for dealing with everyones' crap.

Of the people I'm not on bad terms with, I'm peripheral to their lives. For the most part, it's because I'm still single and everyone else is married and have their lives and kids to deal with. But me, I am alone. I lost all motivation to actively find someone since I'm older now and feel that there is no hope anymore.

I can't ask people to make me matter, but I'm not sure what else to do. I'm not sure where I belong. :sad:

 

[Flatliner]

Do you call your immediate family?

Do you actively try and socialise with your married friends? Or do you just assume you can't/they won't want to?

 

[yada]

Do you call your immediate family?

I used to. My sister, who I was not on bad terms with, was always too busy for me claiming that it was difficult to find time to talk since she had kids etc. But i know she has an active social life where she lives. She always promised to call back, which she never did... for many months. I don't think a periodic phone call is asking much. I've lost touch with my nieces because of this. Parents think I am a disappointment since I didn't follow certain cultural conventions. Don't want to get into that now, but no, I actually did not do anything wrong.

Do you actively try and socialise with your married friends? Or do you just assume you can't/they won't want to?

I try, but get a lot of "we're busy nowadays... because of the kids and work", etc. I'm actually a good single friend, as I used to go over and cook for them, etc. Another friend (married with kids) knows of my situation and has been my support person, but the low-self-esteem in me wonders if I'm disturbing her with my issues.

But still, I am peripheral to everyone now. Their own families, kids, work-lives, etc come first, and if they remember me, I get to tag along. I'm not a central part of anyone's life, and I'm tired of fighting it.

 

[Flatliner]

Maybe you just need to integrate yourself more into their lives. It would probably mean making a few sacrifices....like offering your services....babysitting, helping out at family functions blah blah but eventually you would be back in the family. It seems like you've isolated yourself and they've let you do that, not really thinking that isn't really what you need. It depends how much you want to be a part of their lives.