Do I move out?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Payje, Aug 22, 2011.

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  1. Payje

    Payje Member

    Ive never had a good relationship with my mum and when I first told her about my depression and erges to commit suicide she just flipped it around and said I was attention seeking and told everyone I was doing it to hurt her which is far from true... She always makes comments to me to bring me down whether it's my weight which I have issues with, that I'm not wanted or loved etc and tonight that my father was abusive in an attempt to make me cuts ties with him... Anyway I have wanted to move out for a while and I've finally found somewhere that I can kinda afford... I earn £417 a month and my rent would be £320 and all I need to pay for is food.. Thing is I'm worried it might not be the best idea since I've been pretty low lately an had two occasions where I've wanted to commit suicide but hvent been able to due to the fact that it's been made that there is always someone with me to the extent at night the room I share is locked and I have to wake the other person to get out and use the toilet... I know my mood with lift being away from this negative environment but I'm scared I may do something stupid? :/
  2. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    Im sorry to hear about how your mom has reacted.
    I kinda wanted to post mainly about moving out. I don't know if you mean earning from a job or earning from benifits, but 417 isn't going to be enough. Food is going to be considerably more than 100 pounds. Plus if you're working you need transportation, which is either bus fare or petrol money. If you're walking, you're going to be more physical, which will require you to eat more, meaning more money will have to be spent. I donno if council tax will be included either, or internet access either. But assuming that is all included.
    You're going to still be forking your money out onto food. You'll be without any money, so you can't do anything outside unless it's free. That's not good for you in my opinon. You can still have a life, but it's.. straining to a degree. Especially if you're feeling down and depressed.

    Er... I'd honestly wait until you have a bit more cash income. Or can get benifit support. I would suggest though not getting benifit support, and being able to support yourself. It's better for your own self esteem in my opinon. Do it right, that's what I'll say. Start looking for work that you enjoy, and if you can't find any, honestly, start volunterring in that field. If you are sitting on any money, start taking training courses, or go back to school. I'm not sure how old you are but take advantage of a free room and board. Gain as many skills, and save up money. The reason Im saying this is, the last thing you want is to be on barley any money, working a really mind numbing dead end job, especially when you're depressed. Try and leave home with a boom in a direction that you want your life to go. It's liberating to be on your own, but that also comes with other things.

    :S how bad is it at home?
  3. Jelly

    Jelly Well-Known Member

    That's super stressful, hun. Very sorry to hear.

    I'd be so angry if my mom did that to me...
  4. anonymousss3

    anonymousss3 Member

    If you really want to move out, I'd suggest asking your boyfriend to come with you. You could both share one apartment, cutting down the costs on that front if you both have a job. I don't know what and if your boyfriend earns anything, but this seems the smartest option to me, IF you really need to move out.

    Assuming you both earn about 415, that'd make 830 together, minus the 320 equals 510 left for the both of you.
    Then of course there's food, which like stated above costs about 100 per person, although if you don't buy microwave food and prepare stuff yourself, it'd be cheaper, probably. I know this from friends who've moved out and were coming up short with money. When they started buying ingredients instead of 'just cook it' meals, things started getting cheaper for them.

    510-200=310 left for you and your boyfriend to spend on anything else.

    If I were you I'd put at least 90 aside each month to save up for things in case you want something, like a car (or a driving license) or in case anything breaks and you need to replace it.

    This would ultimately leave you with 220 to spend freely each month.

    But this would only work IF you'd get your boyfriend to move in with you.
    And only IF he has a job that earns at least 300 a month.
    If you were to ask him and he'd say no, just explain your (entire) situation (this also means your reason for moving out) to him in full detail. Show him the figures so you can convince him AND yourself that it'd work.

    But in any case, it's your choice. I just hope I was of any help here.
  5. Well-Known Member

    Rent at 75% of your income is way too high.
  6. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    A few things have to be taken into consideration. The entire cost of living on your own vs your income. Make sure you can afford it. A lot of times it can be easier if you have a roommate. I don't know if that is an option for you. From what you wrote it seems that a significant portion of your depression, stress, and negative thoughts are directly related to the people you live with. You have to weigh if the added stress of being on your own will cancel out the benefit the peace of mind that not being around them might give you. Unfortunately you are the only one qualified to make that choice. If I was in your situation with the knowledge I have at my old age I would get out on my own as long as I could afford it. If I couldn't I would do my best to change what needs to be changed so that I could afford it.

    If I have any advice I can give you it will be to not make any snap decisions and think it through. Do what is best for you in the long term.
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