aat one point i was taking prozac, abilify and lamictal. then i stopped. for what reason, i don't know. other than i hate taking them. i am bi-polar, and what else? your guess is as good as mine. but, since i quit taking the meds my mood swings have been getting more and more violent. not physically, but emotionally, and mentally. ive been on meds off and on since i was a teenager. when i take them i am a lot better than i am now, but i like an awake zombie. nothing matters. the house could be on fire and id be like oh well. i have no emotions abotuanything, whatsoever. which is how i like it, but... when im on meds i just let everything go. it just slides right off, or it seems like it. it builds up and up until i blow. i'm like a volcano on meds. it just builds up and gets compounded until some says hi and i flash. ive never been physically abusive, ill yell and scream at times, but when i flash and explode, its no good. first i get severely depressed, then angry, and back and forth, until i start doing shit to myself. ive got a history of cutting, and punching things. walls, doors, anyhting inanimate. this is all when i am on meds. when i'm not on meds, this is me. the same, but instead of stuff taking longer, i snap easilly. the mood swings are a lot more common. yah, its like im stuck between a rock and a hard place, do i want to become a non feeling zombie, or do i want o stay the way i a now???ummm? not sure. i know i need the meds, but don't know if i am willing to have no feelings whatsoever. what to do???