Do I need new friends?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Mel_G5, Feb 4, 2012.

  1. Mel_G5

    Mel_G5 Account Closed

    I need advice. I have this best friend of 7 years. We met freshman year of high school. Her name is Heather. She really hurt me and I don't know if I should still be friends with her. In the beginning of december my grandmother passed away and I wrote about it on Facebook and all she wrote back was "thats sad". She didn't text me or anything. I was really hurt. My other best friend Kate came with me to the funeral even though it was Kate's bday. Heather goes away to college and has a great life there while I stay at home and go to a 2 year school and work. We don't really text much when she is away because neither of us have time. When she came home for winter break about 2 weeks after my grandmother passed away she texted me and Kate saying she was home but we decided to ignore her since we were really hurt. I guess all she cares about is herself. Heather called the next day but I didn't answer and texted her back saying how much she hurt me and she apologized sincerely. But I still don't know if she gets it. She asked if she could bring something over and I ignored the text. I think she was going to bring a card over because I got it in the mail a few days later. She also sent me and Kate a merry christmas text but we both ignored it. Am I doing the right thing? I don't know if I want to be friends with her anymore and I think it is easiest to just let our friendship end like this. Its february now and we still haven't talked. I can see her updates on Facebook and she doesn't seem that hurt. She is having a great time going to California and plans to go to Mexico for spring break. She doesn't need us.

    I have been friends with Kate for about 4 years. We always get into small arguments but then we make up. Me and Heather never fight but I don't feel ilke she is as good as a friend as Kate is. If I don't want to go in the pool Kate won't but Heather will. Heather will do things she wants to do so she can be happy. She won't stay in for hours but sometimes its annoying. And if we need to wait an hour for Kate to get out of work I think we should wait for Kate and not do anything without her. Heather wanted to go to the fair and thought we could tell Kate to meet us there but I thought that was very mean. I wanted to just sit around and do nothing for the hour to wait for Kate. Sometimes though I don't know if I should be friends with Kate either. Kate is always feeling sorry for herself and guilt me into doing some things cause she needs to do it. Like once my parents offered me to buy me new tires for my car but Kate was like I buy all my own stuff. We are 21 we don't need to depend on our parents anymore like Heather does. So I decided to buy my own tires with the money I had from work. But sometimes I don't like the way Kate does that to me. Do I just have really bad friends? Am I a bad person?
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Mel and welcome...several things came to mind while reading your post...first, you need to find yourself as a friend and know what you want...that way people are less likely to influence you...I think we have friends at various levels of intimacy...there are many reasons for why we like and trust some people more, but relationships do not have to be 'all or nothing'...maybe, there are things to do with Heather if you enjoy her company...and I also think we are so very imperfect that we are apt to do the wrong thing often...forgiving Heather is good for you because carrying around hurt and anger, even justified, is carrying a very heavy load...hope you work this out, and always know that no one has enough friends, so yes, go look for other people as well