Do I really have a problem?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by unzum, Jan 5, 2007.

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  1. unzum

    unzum Member

    I never know if I actually have a problem or not. I think I've had depression for 8 years, since I was 11; and that I've been suicidal the last few months, but I always doubt that that's really true. Maybe I'm just making it all up for attention?

    It took me a long time to go see a doctor 'cos I was convinced that when I went in and told them everything, they'd just look at me and say, 'Is that it? Look, we only treat serious illnesses here. If you haven't got a real problem, go away.' or something like that.

    So all the time I'm second-guessing and doubting myself. I'm taking medication (4 weeks now) and I've had a bit of counselling but I really feel that I need something drastic to shake this off myself. I want to go to hospital but I don't know if any of my problems are serious enough for them to let me in.

    I've been acting really weird these last few weeks, changing mood suddenly, not being able to look people in the eye or talk, staying in one spot for a long time etc. I'm also feeling really demotivated, I've given up basically. I don't think I can fight this any longer on my own.

    So, about a week ago, I made a suicide plan for the 8th. At first I was genuinly going to kill myself but since I've never attempted suicide or harmed myself before, I thought I should call an ambulance after about 20 mins of cutting my wrists. I figured it would get me into hospital.

    I plan to confess this all to my counsellor and my doctor on the 8th though, and maybe they would put me into hospital without me cutting my wrists?
    I know this all seems horribly manipulative but it's just how I've been thinking lately. I'm aware I've got a problem but this just makes it worse. Since I know what my problem is, shouldn't I be able to fix myself?

    I do really want help, and with round-the-clock help at a hospital (and different treatments) I thought it would be the best thing for me to get over this rough patch. But I don't know. Are hospital wards full of people with real problems, like schizophrenia, MPD, PTSD etc or are there people like me: depressed and suicidal?

    But anyway, I just felt like getting that off my chest...
  2. MrDepressed

    MrDepressed Guest

    I would definetly say you have some sort of problem/issue.. I would not for a moment try to convince yourself of the crap of not bein taken seriously, if a professional were to just cast you off and tell you there was no issue than they would not be truelly professional.. your problem is serious and should be taken as such..
    Hospitals are filled with a variety of mental patients, some worse than others, but you are the only one that truelly feels your pain, I may be able to sympathise but it is your reality.. I am glad that you are making steps to get help.. keep it up and I hope you stay with us here on the forum.
  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Do not cut your wrists and then wait 20 minutes to call 911. You could actually end up dying and I can see clearly that you do not want that. There must be another way for you to get the help you need.
  4. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    i´d like to add something to what peanut sayed before: do not cut your wrist ata all, not just for your plan, do not do it at all because once you harm yourself, you won´t stop, it become part of you(and a bigone) take care andi hope you find professionals who can give you the medical treatment you need:)
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