Do I really owe my life to others?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bynsmoment, Jan 8, 2013.

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  1. bynsmoment

    bynsmoment Member

    I have been told the "fake it till you make it" line my entire life, what happens if you never make it? I have resisted killing myself because I didn't want my mom to feel guilt and then three years ago my aunt lost her 18 year old daughter in a car accident and I moved near them to help, now I am afraid of causing my aunt and uncle more pain. My question is: Am I allowed to be selfish? I am so unhappy and have been since I was 9, I really, really don't want to be here anymore. Do I have the right to end it? my entire life has been me worrying about everone else and I hate it. I've been hoping to get sick or get into a car accident just to get it done. I don't know what to do anymore.
  2. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    I've been wondering about those questions for a long time but I've never come to a real conclusion. A big part of me screams yes because I have stopped to really care for people. I mean, when I'm dead I won't feel anything anymore, I won't know what's happening, nothing in this world will matter to me anymore.
    Plus, I hate it when people say it's selfish because that's the worst argument you can use in such a situation.
    I guess, I would really tend to say yes. Since it's your life and you should be able to decide about everything.
    But I'd hate for my oppinion to be the cause of someone taking their life. I think you deserve so much more than just ending your life right now. And I believe you will find happiness one day.
  3. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    first of all let me say, as a mother, the thought of losing one of my children is my worst fear. i don't think i could handle it. the loss of a child is the absolute worst for any normal mother. a friend of mine's two year old son fell in the duck pond on their property about two months or so ago. he initially drowned, but they were able to resuscitate him in the hospital. he was in a coma at first and they didn't know if he was going to make it. he survived, but now all that's left is his body pretty much. He has brain damage. He is basically gone. It's like he's still in a coma. And it is incredibly difficult to watch, see his pics (he looks a lot like my four year old too), hear her pain. Losing a child is NOT something a mother ever gets over. a mother never recovers from that, never moves on.

    okay, that said, i have my own thoughts on the selfish thing. i believe it is MY life, and i have the right to do with it whatever i want. i wasn't asked if i wanted to be born, if i wanted this life. i should have the right to give it back. and as for suicide being selfish because it hurts others, so it's not okay to kill myself because it hurts others, but it's okay for others to make me live in pain. and that's not selfish. it's a double standard. either way, someone is going to hurt, and someone is going to be "seflish". does that make any sense?
    also, people always say, oh, just wait, it will get better. that's not always true though. i do not believe in giving up to quickly, you should fight and give life a chance. but at some point, if nothing works, i think it's okay to say, this isn't for me and check out. i mean, i've been waiting for 38 years for this hell of life to get better.i have taken meds for 14 years, i have been in therapy for 14 years. several therapists. and life still sucks. it's like playing the violin. if you practice every day for 10 years and you still suck at it, everyone understands when you give up and quit. but if you quit after two months of not practicing and doing squat, people are frustrated because you didn't even try. do you see what im' saying?

    okay, final disclaimer. in no way, shape or form do i encourage you to kill yourself. but i do believe it is your decision, which should not be made lightly though.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You do know what will happen before you leave and if you can leave with that on your conscience they that is your choice of course

    After 30 yrs of hell i have seen someones life turn a full 90 degrees went from total down ward spiral darkness chaos alcohol addiction you name it

    now the last two years she has regained her life so it can happen it does happen

    The right med finally came around a new medication a new doctor and hell she is back the same person i knew so long ago is back her life is back

    she has a house her licence she is living not with depression or sadness.

    People do heal they do there has been many here that lives have changed so do not give up ok hugs
  5. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    Personally, and this is probably not a popular opinion but you do have the right to be selfish. I just hope you won't. Hang on - give yourself more time. What about meds? Have you looked into that? What would you need in your life to make it better? Feel free to vent.
  6. Hala

    Hala New Member

    Sounds like you are a worn out caregiver. You are not Jesus Christ, you can not atone for the sins of the world, or fix much. Taking a break is not a sin.
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