I came to the conclusion today that most of the time, I don't really want to die. I don't know why then, I am constantly thinking of ways to do just that. Funny thing is, what I really want to do is nearly never successful. Maybe that's part of it. To prove that it can be done. I don't know. Maybe part of it is wanting attention. I know my family sees everything as much simpler than it is. The decisions I'm being forced to make. I can't stand decisions. Maybe that's what it is; I want to get out of those. But at the same time, I like having something to strive for, a goal. Things like that distract me, but when I get to that goal I have some sort of crisis. And now, I don't even know which direction I want to go. I literally cannot decide. I've been trying to for 3 months now, and I'm just running in circles. I've been running in circles my whole life, while seeming to actually be getting somewhere the whole time. And now this post has digressed into rambling. Sorry. Just felt like getting that out.