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Do I really want to die?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thebrain, Jun 10, 2008.

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  1. thebrain

    thebrain Well-Known Member

    I came to the conclusion today that most of the time, I don't really want to die. I don't know why then, I am constantly thinking of ways to do just that. Funny thing is, what I really want to do is nearly never successful. Maybe that's part of it. To prove that it can be done. I don't know. Maybe part of it is wanting attention. I know my family sees everything as much simpler than it is. The decisions I'm being forced to make. I can't stand decisions. Maybe that's what it is; I want to get out of those. But at the same time, I like having something to strive for, a goal. Things like that distract me, but when I get to that goal I have some sort of crisis. And now, I don't even know which direction I want to go. I literally cannot decide. I've been trying to for 3 months now, and I'm just running in circles. I've been running in circles my whole life, while seeming to actually be getting somewhere the whole time.

    And now this post has digressed into rambling. Sorry. Just felt like getting that out.
  2. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Brain, if anyone should be accused of rambling, it is I. Don't worry about communicating your feelings here, regardless how many words it takes to do it.

    You've posed a question that I've never articulated, but now that you have written the words, I know what it is that niggles at my mind. I don't always want to die, but I'm almost constantly thinking of my list of plans to do so. I guess we're not so weird if there are two of us whose minds think as ours do.

    Decisions - what a pain! I try to get out of them anytime I can. Maybe I should suggest to both of us that we start making small decisions decisively, and gradually work our way up to the big stuff. If someone demands a response, we can ask them to give us two or three days to think it over. (Of course, if you're making an entree choice from a menu, waiting two days might be a bit excessive.)

    It's really hard for others to understand the place you're in. They may never have been there. Try not to worry about what they think about you. Live your life at your own pace. Make your decisions at your own pace. I feel as though when the time comes for a decision, you'll know which way to go.

    Now, who's ranting. Sorry. I'll quit now.
  3. sui caedere

    sui caedere Well-Known Member

    Do i want to die.

    Well yes so why dont i my family my mum lost one son in a RTA many years ago.

    If i was to do what i wanted it kill her then my whole family will be with out the both of us.

    so i must carry on for them.

    I find this so unfair i did not ask to be born did i and now i have to carry on with the shit life i have.
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    This is exactly me. I'm always waiting for the next thing. Having a goal to accomplish, but once you get, then what? Indecisiveness has been a big contributor to panic for me which has made me feel even more suicidal.
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I think if there is any question in your mind at all about life and death, you truly want to live. Even the tiniest doubt raised is worth listening to. In choosing to keep living, the other choice still exists. If choosing and succeeding in death, there is no going back and making another choice. It is final and permanent. One should always have options available to them. So, do you want to die? If you have to question yourself about it, the answer is no.
  6. thebrain

    thebrain Well-Known Member

    Thanks for all your replies.

    Gentlelady, that's what I tell myself when the doubt seems to be gone, but I know I have it most of the time. So far it's worked.
  7. beauutyy

    beauutyy Well-Known Member

    i say i do,but when i think about it...i dont want to.
    i want to be here,and be happy,and meet someone and be happier..ha.
    but idk,sometimes i have my doubts and it causes me to think that way.
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